LadybugFlights

ISSN: 1530-5775

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LadybugFlights
 September 2009 Vol.11 #9

Featured Article

A Life at 82
from Molly Koch

 

Will wonders never cease? Here am I two months shy of the age of 82 (at the time of this writing) and having the time of my life. And this is why. In 2008, with a generous foundation grant, I launched a pilot project called KEEP THE CONNECTION WORKSHOPSK for Parents and Other Caregivers in one inner city school in Baltimore, with eight parents, who had about fifteen children between them, and one facilitator - me. The program was so successful, judging by the effect it had on the parents, that this year it expanded into five schools with six groups and sixty parents who represented well over a hundred children with six facilitators.

Every day I wake up to a new miracle. (Of course, at my age, just waking up is a miracle.) Okay, if not miracles, maybe I'm the grateful recipient of sheer luck. For example, at the end of the first year with expansion in mind, I needed to find women to train as facilitators. I wrote about it in my column in a local publication and seven women responded. How lucky was it for all but one have Master's degrees in teaching, and the standout is a Ph.D psychologist! One woman was born in Argentina and she was just what I needed for groups for Spanish-speaking parents. Another lives near a school the rest of us found too far to travel to and still another taught special needs children which we might need. Though they all had the background to teach, that's not what made them perfect for my program. Who they were mattered more. Gentle, sensitive, caring, open to learning, dedicated to the well-being of both parents and children, they were ideal candidates. Despite their very different personalities, they all achieved the same result - they brought out what was best in each parent. If this isn't luck, what is? And what a gratifying feeling to know that this program can and will continue when I am no longer able to do it.

My career as a parent "educator" began in 1949 when my first child was a year old. From the first session I was hooked on groups. I had always had an insatiable need to understand what it means to be a human being. In groups I found that the other mothers' experiences and feelings and ideas and hopes and dreams and foibles and follies were many of my longed-for pieces to the puzzle of the human condition. And so I spent the next fifty years listening to parents in and out of groups. My book, 27 Secrets to Raising Amazing Children, was published in 2007 and it contains the lessons I learned from the hundreds of parents I've met over the years. The WORKSHOPS are based on the book.

In most parent-education programs, parents get advice and answers to their questions. In KEEP THE CONNECTION WORKSHOPSK the facilitators ask the questions and they encourage parents to look into their own hearts for their answers. When the parents share their experiences and ideas, they come to realize the wealth of wisdom they possess. We do not present ourselves as "experts," but as partners in learning where each of us has something of value to share with the others. We listen, not to argue or correct; we listen to learn. We listen, respectfully, with compassion and patience. We accept the parents just as they are, we respect them for who they are, and we meet them where they are. We have no desire to change them into people we think they ought to be. We do hope, however, that they will have the insight and the foresight to realize that what they experience in the group is exactly what their children need to experience.

Thus, by having their own needs met, their new-found self-esteem and self-respect enabled them to bring these gifts of acceptance and respect and the freedom to be oneself home to their children.

At the end of the 8 week sessions, every facilitator felt an exhilaration and excitement she never before experienced in group work. While the parents learned what works and what doesn't in keeping connections to their children, the facilitators rejoiced in the connections they made with the parents. The benefits were mutual. Together we transcended our color or religious differences and simply met on the common ground of our shared humanity. Ours is an exercise in democracy in its purest form. At our six little "graduation" ceremonies, we celebrated our exchange of lessons learned, our experiences, and above all, we shared sincere affection and mutual growth. So now you see why this is indeed, a most wonderful time of my life.

You can see what the parents had to say on my website, keeptheconnection.org.

    Molly Koch is a wife, mother and activist. She is the author of 27 Secrets to Raising Amazing Children. You can find out more at her two websites, mollybkoch.com and keeptheconnection.org.

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Comics

      Obama scraps health care reform
Comics

You can see more by David Donar at http://politicalgraffiti.wordpress.com/.

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Special Feature

Last month's Poetry was so much fun, we were asked to do it again with some more new poets (new to these pages at least).

 

Darcie Ziel

Poetry 
	
	
    

    To Pull You Inside
    

I want more than anything
at this moment
to pull you inside
to envelope your body
in my deepest core
to feel the weight of you
dissolve into my essence
like a ship disappearing
into the sea's distant horizon
to enfold your unknowing
in my knowing
to give you the gift 
of the peace I possess
to feel your heaviness
sink in, through my quicksand skin
like a pebble fallen in a pond
finally coming home to rest,
cradled in the soft
bottom mud of my warmth
wearing my bones,
wrapped in my tissue,
protected like a swaddled infant 
kept there,
a silent secret,
a part of me, safe,
and constant
like gravity.


    Water
    

I  know a woman who thinks water is the answer
she doesn't drink enough and never learned to swim
that's why her daughter is taking swimming lessons
waterfalls put her in a trance in only moments
she loves dehydrated beans, the refried kind, and tang
at dinner time she always says cheerfully
'just add water' and swallows her vitamins dry
she rarely breaks a sweat, but works hard
even in the rain, which she says she loves
the sound of pounding on her roof
makes her sleep deeply, dream peaceful
at times it's difficult, but mostly I believe
she is right, water is the answer to many quandaries
but it's hard to always love the rain.




	
	
	


The Song Singers


They would sing songs
whenever they felt an emptiness
their music would fill in the spaces
some of the people, straight and serious,
frowned and said 'stop that noise;
it's too much clutter'
as the notes floated about 
like rainbowed soap bubbles
sticking to every exposed surface,
soaking into the walls,
piling up on the floor,
so that people stumbled and tripped
continuously complaining
But those singers, 
they kept singing their sunshine songs,
and slowly the listeners unconsciously began
to bend and smile slightly
when they felt the sounds
vibrating against their cells
which they didn't notice beginning to dance
and sometimes they were surprised
when they opened their mouths
and a hum came out
The singers smiled because they knew
the secret of song
and soon the people, curvy and carefree,
grinned and shouted
'keep playing; sing another song!'
while they floated about 
on the glowing bubbles
that filled the air
Now it is hard to tell 
that there ever was an emptiness
or who it was that started to fill it,
now that they all sing songs.

Poetry

 

Dennis O'Donnell

Poetry 
	


the goddess
awakened at dawn,
tore herself away from the god
and flew up into the bright sky,
trailing tears.

this is how the moon
and the oceans were formed.

the deep trenches 
filled with sea water 
are the places where the goddess
has lain.

the mountains 
are the many arms of the god
still reaching up toward heaven.

this is why the continents
drift across the vast stretches of water
and blindly collide.

the god, searching in vain for his lover
is angry and alone.

this is the origin of volcanoes,
earthquakes, and upsurges
of mountain ranges.

this is why earth beings
stare at the moon
when we are feeling lonely
or when we are in love.

someday
we believe,
the goddess may return.


	
	
      	
	
      
horses in the dark,
standing close together
by the edge of the road,
close to the barbed wire

a brown one and a white one
and a black on and a grey one
huddled together 
like the organs of the body

like the kidneys the liver,
the oesophagus, the womb...
almost touching one another
in the dark

like flowers arranged
in a tall glass vase,
lavender ones, white ones,
green ones, yellow ones,

their stems close together
in the water, in the dark,
drinking, resting, waiting
for the first light

like horses in the dark,
waiting for a human being
to call them into the barn,
to talk to them

the meaningful words
flowing over their bodies
like blood and water
as they chew the sweet hay

a black one and a brown one
and a white one and a grey one
standing apart in the morning light,
flicking their tails, alive.

Poetry

Poetry 
	
	
      	
	
      

      in the garden
      

Ryan walks in the garden,
asking his mother about each thing.

"No, that's broccoli, Ryan,"
I hear her saying,
'the zucchini hasn't come up yet."

He walks along
with a serious expression,
nodding his head
at everything she says.

I hear him muttering.

"Muscaline mix, leaf lettuce,
roma tomatoes..."

Like Adam, he wants to know
the proper names.

She tells him,
and it pleases him in a way
that I have forgotten.

Everything has a name
in the world, I suppose,
even the creatures
at the bottom of the ocean
that we are not aware of.

Ryan would want to know those names,
he would say the names out loud
and savor them
and smile.

He is seven years old.

I tell him to eat his vegetables
so he can be big and strong.

"I don't want to e big,"  he says,
"Cuz then I'll just have to die."

I don't know what to say
to that.

I send a sad grin across the table
and he sends a sad grin back.

In the morning
he can return to the garden.

 

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Virtual World

Hello Bluebird

Bluebird flew into my life about a month ago. I name my computers; Bluebird is a brand new Acer Aspire laptop with a shiny, deep blue exterior. We are slowly getting acquainted.

Perky, my previous laptop, died a slow and painful death. She started shutting off at random intervals, very occasionally at first and then more and more frequently. Various attempts to get her fixed were unsuccessful, and when a tech finally found her problem as being the motherboard, rather than the fan as first diagnosed, I knew it was time to let her go. She served me well for four years. I tried really hard to make her last for another few months until Windows 7 was available, but it was not to be.

I have managed to avoid Vista before this, but it came on this laptop. Since I plan to upgrade as soon as Windows 7 becomes available, I have not put a lot of effort into setting up bluebird or learning Vista. I installed antivirus software and Firefox and windows Mail. I do all my work online, in the Cloud.

This article is being written in the free, completely online Google Docs Word Processor. I have a couple of spreadsheets there also. I am using the free version of Zoho Creator for my current database work. I have some Mindmaps online at Mindmeister.com. Right now I have about ten tabs open in Firefox.

It works. I save documents to my hard drive occasionally, when I have something I really don't want to lose, but basically, Bluebird and I have our heads in the Cloud right now.

Will we land with Windows 7? We shall see.

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Baby Bug

Just a Pair of Shoes

 

Over the course of the summer, Emily has stepped on the back of three pairs of my flip-flops causing them to separate and no longer function as shoes. The first time it happened, I limped with a literal flip-flop sound following me to the car and frustration in my thoughts and words. The second time, I just chalked it up to cheap shoes. The third time was different in its profundity.

I never imagined the destruction of my summer sandals would lead to any revelations but it brought words and thoughts worth far more than my bargain sandals. I had asked Emily no less than twelve times to stop stepping on my shoes. The thirteenth time was the charm as the entire foot base ripped of the top of the shoes irreparably separated. It was laughingly appropriate that I was in the Tae Kwon Do studio because everyone else was barefoot as well. His teacher approached me as the shoe fell apart.

I commented that it was just a pair of shoes and that summer was almost over anyway. I knew I had another pair of shoes in the car as backup because I had finally gotten a little smarter over the months. I thought the situation was done but someone else was listening. The mom sitting next to me leaned in closer and said she wished she had the same attitude but she was working harder now. I thought she was talking about the weekly quote regarding integrity so I was a little puzzled. She went on to state further that in the month prior she had been diagnosed with Stage 3 colon cancer. She was learning to not sweat the small stuff like shoes falling apart and was happy to see my calm reaction to the shoe incident. I was glad she hadn't seen or heard my reaction to the first shoe destruction; which was much less calm.

I knew she had looked tired but she had not been open to talking and I just chalked it up to having kids starting school. In that staggering moment, I found myself asking questions and offering help or prayers or whatever she might need. She was matter-of-fact and peaceful as she described the journey to diagnosis, her treatment, progress, family history, keeping busy, and even the location of her chemotherapy port. She is still teaching school and taking her kids to dance and Tae Kwon Do. My broken shoe instantly became even more insignificant.

However, my journey to that point had actually been progressing over the summer as well. At Joel's school, the policewoman who works as a crossing guard was diagnosed with Stage 4 invasive breast cancer. It took her weeks to tell the school and even longer to accept the help that moms offered as we rallied around her. On the first day of school, she was back at work after a summer of radiation and double mastectomy. Her baldhead was covered with a scarf and her face with a smile as she waved to moms and kids as she directed the cars.

In the lunchroom, there is a janitor that cleans up after hundreds of messy kids and helps them recycle, put their trash away, and open up difficult lunch containers. The kids call him Mr. Juan and offer high-fives. Three years ago, he and his wife lost a baby late-term. When he found out they were pregnant again, they were visibly excited. He was so proud he refused to ask for help and was achingly humble as the school gave them a baby shower. The baby was born in July like our Emily and they named her Emily Marie. When we returned to school last year, we saw the baby when he brought her to the lunchroom. It was instantly obvious that the baby was too small and had major issues. He loved her unconditionally as if there were nothing wrong and brought pictures and updates.

Over the summer, one of the PTO moms let us know that the child had died in her sleep over the summer. She was just shy of one-year-old and had never walked or sat up or spoken a word. The PTO mom asked for donations for a headstone because she knew he couldn't afford it on his salary and he would never ask for the money.

When we returned to school, this proud Hispanic man of few words was back in the lunchroom cleaning up after very messy children. He waved at our Emily and called her beautiful in Spanish. When I asked him how he was doing, he couldn't speak with tears in his eyes and just patted Emily on the head and moved on to the next spill.

I tried to express to the mom at the Tae Kwon Do studio that I emphasized with her. I wave at the crossing guard and smile beyond the tears that form in my own eyes. When I see Mr. Juan in the lunchroom, I put my hand over my heart.

Today, the unlikely chain of a mom, a crossing guard, and a janitor all came full circle with the simple break of my sandal. In the words of the mom, I am going to keep not sweating the small stuff. I am going to concentrate on things that are far more important than my third pair of broken flip-flops. I will pat Emily's head and call her beautiful more often. I will be thankful for my health.

While I will always keep a back-up pair of shoes in the car, I will not regret the pairs of shoes that don't make it home. I will be happy that I have made it home; that my family makes it home. I am going to not sweat the small stuff even if they are size ten and made of leather. They were after all only a pair of shoes; not a pair of breasts or a colon or a petite Hispanic baby with a shock of black hair and chocolate brown eyes. The shoes are merely the small stuff.

 

Summer Fun

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Lynn Andrews
Walking With Still Feet

 

As we walk daily within our creative souls, we walk before the gods that we have worshipped within ourselves, be they great painters, musicians, writers, Jesus, Buddha, or the Great Spirit. When you walk at the highest levels of your consciousness, then your feet will be still. You realize that there is no need for haste. You realize that your heart is full and that all of who you are breathes with the fires of creation.

Where does the sense of urgency that you feel in life come from? That urgency is a force to be reckoned with. Does it come from burdens that you are carrying? From a sense of duty? Or is it coming from something that really and truly matters in your life? Do not ignore it when a sense of urgency is upon you; it has come to tell you about something important that needs your attention.

Do you feel a sense of urgency about the burdens you are carrying? Why do you consider them burdens? Is it because you have taken on responsibilities that really don't belong to you, that are weighing you down to the point that you no longer even want to take care of yourself?

There are always going to be times when life gets difficult, times when we face things that we have always believed are insurmountable. When these times happen, you will always discover that if it is truly your responsibility in a way that is meaningful in your life, then the resources and energy you need will be within your reach. The sooner you get started taking care of things, the better you will feel, even though it may feel impossible in the beginning. If it is a burden that really isn't your responsibility and adds nothing constructive to your life, why are you carrying it in the first place? Of course it is weighing you down and destroying your joy of living. Isn't it time to do something about it?

The same things hold true when you feel an urgency that comes from your sense of duty. It is good to have a sense of duty; it is what reminds you not to waste your life, that you've come here for a glorious and higher purpose than all of the 'luxuries' and distractions that the modern world offers. We live in a culture that works very hard to convince us that a sense of duty is passé, something out of yesteryear that we've grown beyond. That outlook is an open invitation to a meaningless and lonely existence, for fulfillment never comes from the world outside of you. True fulfillment comes from honoring your own personal truth and the reasons for your own existence.

So when you feel an urgency that comes from your sense of duty, take a good look at it in the same way that you would look at your burdens. Is it a sense of duty to your own mission in life? Welcome it. Honor it, follow it with every fiber of your being and ask the muses of inspiration to show you the way. What is it that you are ready to begin, that you are not already doing? Find your sense of urgency about it if you don't already feel it, and let it motivate you!

If, on the other hand, you are feeling a sense of duty to obligations that are not of you or your life, then really look at that sense of duty. Where does the obligation arise? There are always going to be times when we step in and do something simply because it is the right thing to do and we are obliged by our very nature to do the right thing. Or is it an obligation you've taken on for no better reason than because someone else told you that you should and you've never bothered to look at whether it is true and real for you, and now you feel shackled? Obligations you've taken on because you somehow feel they'll prove that you might one day be worthy of living your own truth in life? If it is a sense of urgency that comes from one of these latter obligations, then it's an urgency that has come to tell you it's time to make some very important changes in your life now. Why are you doing this to yourself?

Take a moment and whisper the names of the people whom you truly love in this life, and look at how it is you want to serve them. With what part of yourself do you want to seduce reality and make it yours? Who deserves what in your life, and what is it that you have not owned that you need to own as far as your life is concerned? What have you disowned in life, what do you yet need to own? It's time to get urgent about the great dream for your life.

Once in a while, we are very fortunate. That is when we experience an urgency about something that is driven by all three forces at once: our sense of duty to what really and truly matters in our lives even as it carries with it the 'burden' of actually doing something we've perhaps been putting off for far too long. This is your true sense of urgency, and it is one you want to honor right now. It is an urgency that comes from your aspirations, and it brings with it creativity and the power of all the gods and goddesses that are burning within your soul. Aspiration stimulates power; it is your aim spiritually and physically in the world, and it involves the totality of your being. It is the architect of your accomplishments and sits at the feet of power.

It is good to have a sense of urgency about your aspirations! That is when you open yourself and allow the muses of inspiration to enter. The energy and the ecstatic joy that now fill you actually calm your frantic dash through life, and you are ready to begin your life's work. You are ready, finally, to walk with still feet and really get something done.

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Causes of Emotional Overeating That Lead to Poor Self Image

Yes, most that are over weight have a less than strong self image and it's from emotional overeating.

Causes of emotional overeating are always traced back to childhood--maybe even to our genetic map. Just as with baby turtles, fish, snakes... they instinctively know what to do and where to go to survive.

Whatever the source of the programming, humans instinctively have the drive to survive and humans can take it one step further, they also have the drive for pleasure seeking. And just as all animals, humans are instinctively curious. Put all this together and it's natural that food fills in all the blanks.

What do babies do when they are hungry or frustrated? They cry. And what do mommies do to quiet the crying baby? They give the baby a bottle. Baby eats the peas and what is the reward--tasty food?

As toddlers the programming continues. Toddler has a rough day in preschool and comes home crying. What does mommy do? That's right, a snack of cookies and milk--the universal soother. Then there are the holidays, birthdays, and special occasions such as weddings, anniversaries... There are lots and lots of happy occasions with relatives, presents, and of course there's wall-to-wall food.

How about emotional eating? It's obvious that with all the survival situations there is frustration, anger, upset, depression... and with all the special occasions there's joy, happiness, excitement... Food gets associated with a wide range of emotion. Little wonder that even the emotion of boredom gets associated with food as well.

It's not to say that all overeating is emotional, certainly some or much of it is habitual in nature as well. Habitual eating is the association of being at a certain place or time with food. For instance, passing by the Bagel shop on the way to work everyday and stopping for a bagel with cream cheese. Or, it's coming home in the afternoon, walking through the front door, into the kitchen and opening the refrigerator.

Awareness techniques such as calorie counting, changing route to work, or schedule after work, diets, eating slowly, putting the fork down between bites... are best used to defeat habitual eating. However, they don't work to conquer emotional eating.

Emotional eating can not be conquered by ignoring the emotion. Instead, it's important to embrace the emotion which in itself is a huge challenge. Why? It's simply because we have had much more training and experience in denying emotions than in dealing with them.

For decades it's been practically a sin to admit that one was angry. Anger is a bad feeling and emotions such as frustration or boredom indicate that you are not in control of your life. And forget about depression--you'd be accused of being mentally ill.

By learning to embrace emotion and move through emotion rather than avoid emotion, one learns to leave food out of the equation.

A progressive approach to eliminate emotional eating involves asking important questions "What is missing here? Why are you not getting the results you've been promised?" It is clearly insane to keep dieting when the results are so poor. It's more important to gain a grasp on how to stop emotional eating--eating emotional stress than it is to read the scale. Besides focusing on the scale doesn't empower you to be a better more enlightened person, whereas learning how to overcome emotional eating empowers you in all aspects of your life. If you're a sales person, you'll be a better sales person. If you're an assembly line worker, you'll be a better assembly line worker; a mother, a better mother... Overall, you'll build self worth and find that what you really want to eat is far more nutritious and less in quantity than you ever before imagined possible.

 

Visit Richard Kuhns B.S.Ch.E., NGH certified, this new year. He is a prominent figure in the field of hypnosis with his best selling hypnosis and stress management cds at http://www.DStressDoc.com and http://www.PanicBusters.com. His aim is to make it possible for anyone to manage emotional binge eating. For more information please visit www.dstressdoc.com/BingeEatingEbook.htm

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THIS MONTH:

Poetry Corner  Poetry

Poetry 
	
	
      	
	
      

      
some wandering simoom,
far from its source of engendering
has chosen
to exhaust its ephemerality
on our snow drifts.
My rain buckets fill up
in this soft breath,
and everything this is alive
connects in mutual aid

disoriented, with semi-permeable boundaries,
parochial in scope, but familiar and dear.
superstition, pretense, and wishful thinking;

dirt is dirt,
and everything grows from what is decomposed---
that's the afterlife.
The unlocked doorway
is strewn with slides of rat brains,
and statistics on the phosphorous
in alien's breath.
Robin Hierche

 

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Fly Away

Stop it before it Even Starts
from Danielle Joy Linhart

In the beginning of a new relationship there are the twinkle of the eyes and the butterflies when you see his face. With that new relationship brings new love, the romance, the warm hugs, and the long kisses. Everything is just perfect and wonderful… in fact most women can't believe this man has fallen for her. This perfect man, he is so protective and doesn't like when any other guy looks at her. As they go out he gets a little pushier when she turns her head and glances and looks over at other males. Her Boyfriend Questions her as to why he looked at that man? That is the first sign right there that he is getting possessive and she should be second guessing their relationship.

If it goes beyond that point maybe her boyfriend might start questioning her clothing choices. He might even use harsh words to put her down to make her feel bad for wearing those particular clothes. Why is that shirt too tight? Why are you wearing a skirt? Are you trying to pick up other guys? That is the second sign showing her boyfriends insecurities that he is trying to control her. He might try to convince her that he cares about her and loves her… BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. She should STOP the relationship right there.

The cycle of abuse can happen so quickly... loving oneself, believing in oneself and being true to oneself can stop this toxic cycle. In the beginning I thought that my boyfriend was trying to protect me and loved me. I thought he was on my side, but in the end he was hurting me and I was covering up the bruises. I was protecting him, blaming myself for all our fights and for all of the pain that he put me though. Luckily… I walked away.

Here are some other signs to look for before the abuse starts:

  • Constantly check up on you
  • Control where you go or what you do
  • Put down your accomplishments
  • Put down your opinions
  • Humiliate, criticize, or yell at you
  • Keep you from seeing your friends

Danielle Joy Linhart is the author of From Deep Within A portion of the proceeds from her book will be donated to LoveIsRespect.org

 

If you know of a woman who will no longer grace our future because of domestic violence, please send us her story, or your own.

Get information on Domestic violence and violence against women at LadybugBooks.com

We invite any of you to contribute on this subject. We feel it is important to continue the discussion of domestic violence.

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We are looking for your stories remembering women's history. Send in your story and we will publish it.

Women Exceptional Women are Our History and Our Future:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Women

Three Stories About Giving That Have No Moral
Surviving, Striving, and Thriving
from Maria Fairbanks

 

When I was so sick, before Sue gave me one of her kidneys, my sister-in-law sent me $1,000. She wanted to help me and I appreciated her thoughts as well as the gift. I put the money away until another time when I might be able to use it in a special way.

About a year and two months after the doctors sewed Sue's kidney into me I was home in my remote Alaskan village doing all the things I usually do. I spent my sister-in-law's $1,000. on a ticket for Sue to come visit me. I can not tell how much fun and how many insightful and intimate conversations we had---finally I was well enough to appreciate this wonderful woman's words and life energy. We went fishing, we went hiking, we bathed in the hot springs, we silk screened and tie dyed, we ate and we danced and played music. Our kidney reunion was a terrific success! One day, I patted her on the back, laughed out loud and said, "You just have one kidney and I just have one kidney! Why would anyone need two?" She just looked at me with a thoughtful smile. "We are given two kidneys," she told me, "So we'll have one to give away."

I wrote a quick note to my sister in law to thank her for making this reunion possible. I told her what we had been doing and how we now shared more than just a complete set of kidneys!

She wrote me back immediately. She said she felt so terrible when I was sick that there was nothing she could do to help me. She had felt that her gift of 'just money' was so inadequate. She expressed the fact that she was really happy I had turned her money into something so special.

Of necessity, most people spend their lives trading their energy for money, then spending that money, then trading in more energy for more money, and so on. In fact, often they are just drawing even; they buy food and clothing and shelter that gives them the energy to work some more to buy more food and clothing and shelter that gives them the energy to work some more...... I had reversed the process. I had successfully changed the money back into energy and instead of depleting itself, it grew more powerful and continued to accelerate and grow like a snowball rolling downhill.

I told Sue, "I don't feel like I owe you....but I AM GRATEFUL!" One of the pitfalls of a donor-recipient connection can be the donor may feel something is owed to them in return for their sacrifice or the recipient may feel indebted for life. We weren't falling into this trap. .. we were feeling bonded. Still, I feel I have received so much and am so overcome with gratitude I can't stop myself from thanking her. In response to my gratitude she told me that all her life she had heard stories of kidney transplants and it was something she had always wanted to do. She was waiting for her opportunity, and I gave it to her. She was thanking me for giving her the chance. Her goodness and generosity, and her point of view which embodies everything about the nature of giving. overwhelmed me as much as the gift of her kidney.

Sue's visit was over and she left my village and I went back to my life as I know it. One day I went out to my friend's organic farm to take photographs of his work and nature's abundance with which I could make him a disk, and perhaps pull a few weeds with friends. When we got ready to leave, one of my friends carefully split the bag of strawberries she had picked in two equal portions. As she got ready to go, she turned to the farm owner and said "I'm taking half, if that's okay. I think that is our deal."

I began laughing and laughing. I'd been doing things for and with the owner for years, massages and t-shirts, the photos, anything really that I could imagine though he needs little more than my voice to sing harmony to his. He has been giving me a box of vegetables every week they are harvestable and singing the tune. We had been gifting each other with amazing satisfaction and mutual admiration. It had never occurred to me to make a deal. He may give more, but he is more powerful than I and I don't take more than I need. I laughed until tears ran down my face and the idea of making a deal with this cornucopia of a man.

"You made a deal?" I asked her incredulously. "If you don't make a deal, you will receive all you need and the best of everything!" She had not yet entered or did not trust the dimension of gift. I have and I do; my life depends on it.

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Now Hear This

A little bit in writing about what's happening at
LadybugLive.com, MooseMeals.com, and TeenTalkNetwork.com

 

Serious and Entertaining
We have it all

 

LadybugLive, Audio, Webcasting, Web Casting

 Listen to Audio ShowsDon Williams:
    On Death Panels, socialized Medicine and Other Red Herrings

Listen to Audio ShowsAn Excerpt from an interview with Ted Kennedy

Know someone who might want to be a host at TeenTalkNetwork.com? We have two teens on now and both are growing up fast. The only requirement is that they want to do it enough to stick to a schedule. They all find their voice as they go along. Desiree Nelson is older of our teens—she's in her first year of college this year and she and mom, Linda Nelson, are now cross-programmed to our site at LadybugLive—got a scholarship from Discover in large part because of her program. The other, Rae Quigley is a senior this year and has done several shows on how important it is for colleges that you do something outside the usual. So there are lots of benefits for the teen who can do this, not the least of which is the experience itself. It's a great gig for any teen!

 

If you are a writer and would like to become a NewVoices author or artist, contact:

Georgia@ladybugbooks.com
Please use the subject title: NewVoices Information

 

Now Hear This     It's Not Your Same Old Radio!

"There are people who have something to say and those who have something to sell. We are interested in the ones with something special to teach the world."

For LadybugLive, TeenTalkNetwork, and MooseMeals to continue growing, we need correspondents and readers. The process is quite simple: submissions are by email. If accepted, a reader calls, either our local or our toll free number as directed in the acceptance email, to record. What will you be recording?

We are looking for: readings of original creative work, comment and commentary, and ideas for regularly appearing programming that can be done within this format. We are not able, as yet, to do direct call in shows, but shows that require listener (delayed) response are OK. All of this, of course, within the same guidelines as everything we do: Of interest to women (no particular restrictions). This format might also be ideal for some of those traditional topics, such as clothing and makeup, with a fresh "twist."

Send ideas and proposals to Georgia@ladybugbooks.com

We strive to bring you the best in women's writing.

And...

Keep up to date on what is happening at NewVoices and LadybugFlights by signing up for our monthly announcements!

We know online radio is new to many of you but we also know how rewarding it can be. So, if you need help to get started, don't hesitate to contact Georgia for help... And, hey! Our hosts love hearing from you!

Our teen site, TeenTalkNetwork.com programming is safe — no porn or other unwanted promotions are attached to our files.

The Internet promised and we are delivering.

New programming is always available at:
TeenTalkNetwork.com
MooseMeals.com
LadybugLive

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Beatrice Spreadmoore's Financial World

Computer Driven Hyperspeculation

The thumb on the scale

Location, location, location

The markets are barreling towards low latency event-driven market data processing using Algorithmic stock trading systems trading with each other in (microseconds). The impact of this computer driven trading on possible stock market crashes is unclear. A key factor in these systems is location. The closer the servers are to the exchange the faster the trades can be executed. For example a trade center in New York can trade on the NYSE a micro-second or so faster than a computer trying to trade on the same exchange from, say Chicago.

In today's electronic financial markets, algorithmic trading or automated trading, also referred to as algo trading, black-box trading, high-frequency trading or robo trading, is where computer programs are used to enter trading orders with the computer algorithm deciding on characteristics of the order such as the timing, price, or quantity of the order, or in many cases initiating the order without human intervention.

How Algorithmic trading is used

Algorithmic Trading is used by pension funds, mutual funds, and other buy side institutional traders, to divide large trades into several smaller trades in order to manage market impact, and risk. Sell side traders, such as market makers and some hedge funds, provide liquidity to the market, generating and executing orders automatically. In this "high frequency trading" computers make the decision to initiate orders based on information that is received electronically, before human traders are even aware of the information.

The NYSE has a massive (several football field size) data center in New Jersey, filled with cutting-edge computing equipment that should significantly boost the percentage of stock market activity that's nothing but computers trading against one another for millisecond profits. At this time 70 percent of stock trading is just computers trading against one another, but get ready for that number to go even higher. Traders are in a frenzy trying to obtain space in the new center because of it's location near the exchange. Critics are worried that more such trading could destabilize the markets, or worse, including global markets. If a fuse blows while the machines are driving the bus, we're all traveling so fast that we may hit a wall before the humans in the vehicle have time to react.

Reaction time, what could possibly go wrong

If something does go wrong, the market moves so quickly that by the time the humans intervene, the damage may already be too great to keep feedback effects from kicking in and making things worse. This is possible because HFT, by design, is capable of moving the markets more rapidly than humans could possibly react. Speed matters, especially in activities where human judgment plays a critical role.

An example of what could go wrong happened on September 8, 2008, when a six-year-old news story about United Airlines' bankruptcy was republished on Google News with a current timestamp. Algorithm trading kicked in and started dumping United's stock, which eventually lost 75 percent of its value that day. About $1 billion of United's market cap disappeared in minutes, before the humans figured out that they were looking not at a bankruptcy, but at a problem of garbage in, garbage out. Much of the stock's value was restored by the next day, when the market had corrected, but experts worry that something like this could happen on a much larger scale, especially in response to a real external event. The possibilities for insider trading are endless, but is it necessary to even trade to make money? Bernie Madoff's investment fund may never have executed a single trade.

We can imagine that there is an intense internal struggle going on between the "floor traders" and others not using the algo trading systems. This is life or death or them. The way the markets are operating is changing and like war will have consequences we can hardly foresee. The old saying "watch the money" is good advice. Remember the days when the traders put their thumbs on the scale and captured a small extra profit from each transaction. Think about the story of doubling a penny for 30 days and how much money would accumulate. This is a path toward that end!

Field Trips

Algorithmic trading overview

Algorithmic Trading Magazine

Is Government Control of the Stock Market Coming?

The new NYSE Datacenter

 

Happy Trails,

B.S.
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Books, Cooks, Looks & Ms. Elani
Elani

Dear Friends and Readers,

a poignant yet hilarious story

Losing Mum and Pup
by Christopher Buckley
ISBN 9780446540940

Elani

If one lives long enough, one eventually becomes an 'orphan'; no matter what your age; the status of 'no parents' relegates you to the status of orphan. Christopher Buckley's new book Losing Mum and Pup, is a poignant yet hilarious story of the year he lost both parents, the father of the modern conservative movement, William F. Buckley, and a famous New York socialite, Patricia Taylor Buckley.

Patricia Taylor Buckley hailed from Vancouver, growing up in a wealthy neighborhood. She attended Vassar but had to leave due to family needs (a dying family member). She met William through his sister and they were married in a huge ceremony and she commenced to 'become herself'. She learned to cook, entertain, decorate and follow the whims of a man like William F.Buckley and raise their son, 'Christo'. Though entertaining the likes of Henry Kissinger, Tom Wolfe, Norman Mailer, Margaret Thatcher and John Kenneth Galbraith, she proclaimed it far beyond her to understand the workings of the government and writings of many, yet easily did the Sunday Times crossword puzzle. But for all she was known for in the public eye her real love was dealing her husband (with whom she often disagreed) and having long, drawn out discussions with her son.

It is fair to say that William F. Buckley was a person with whom it was easy to disagree,or at least have some concerns He loved to argue. He was always active, never able to sit still. He took unbelievable chances, (once setting out for a sail when the wind force close to hurricane strength), just because he said it was a day to sail. William F. Buckley loved to be with powerful men, even if he disagreed with their stance. He often surprised the audience on the thirty-three-year run of Firing Line, often staring them down with his deep blue eyes. In the last months of his life he relished hearing from some of his friends and adversaries, some only by email that he could, or did not, answer. After his death, Christopher Buckley was shocked to pick up the phone and hear George McGovern, one of Pup's fierce opponents, call to offer his condolences. No matter what may be said about William F.Buckley, he was respected.

Christopher Buckley's book is not an ordinary biography, but then, as he said, 'they were not your typical mom and dad'. His stories about his parents offer a glimpse into their lives with their son, the world and especially with each other. They were, despite their differences, foibles, and causes, devoted to each other until the end. This can not be said for many famous couples.

 

Elani

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YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE

One Half the Sky

The new book from Pulitzer Prize winning husband wife team of New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof and his journalist wife Sheryl Wudunn is discussed by Jane Roberts

People react to stories more than to statistics states this groundbreaking book which seeks to change the world for women and girls. And so Kristof and Wudunn tell stories, wonderful riveting stories of women who, despite incredible circumstances, and great risk to themselves succeed in saving themselves, their lives, their dignity, while at the same time bettering the lives of their entire communities.

Take Woinshet from Ethiopia, raped by a man who wanted to marry her thinking that the rape would ruin her for any other man and that she would do the traditional thing and give in. She didn't. Because of Woinshet's stubbornness and some help from Equality Now, she resisted and eventually Ethiopia changed its laws so that today, a man is liable for rape even if the victim later agrees to marry him.

Discover the true story of the horror of "third world" brothels and the violence perpetrated therein. Meet the beaten and bruised and trafficked Meena who triumphs over tragedy for herself and her children.

Get to know an Afghan woman, Sakena Yacoobi who founded the Afghan Institute of Learning where 350,000 women and children in Afghanistan have had access to education and other services in the areas of health care and legal rights. "She's a force of nature," say Kristof and Wudunn.

Chapter Six has two parts: Maternal Mortality-One Woman a Minute and
A Doctor who Treats Countries, Not Patients.
Over 500,000 women die in childbirth every year, more than one per minute. Women's health and even their very survival are not high priorities in much of the world. Dr. Allan Rosenfield, now deceased, was the Dean of the Mailman School of Public Health at Columbia University and a great friend. This book does justice to his life long commitment to women's health.

In 2005 Ladybug Press published my book 34 Million Friends of the Women of the World. There are now 6,000 copies out and about. Georgia Jones took a risk and said yes. I am eternally grateful.

One of the reasons I am grateful is because a published book gives a person a little more "clout" or "prestige. Nicholas Kristof had written about 34 Million Friends in the New York Times so. I sent him my book. One half of chapter 8 in HALF THE SKY is "Jane Roberts and Her 34 Million Friends." WOW. Much of what is in his book is taken from my book. Sheryl Wudunn also interviewed me and quoted me at the end of the chapter. Read the book to find out what I said!

Half the Sky is different because a big part of the book tells YOU what YOU can do. There are more than 30 organizations listed, which work at the ground level, which work at the grassroots to help women and girls. www.34millionfriends.org is just one on the list and not the most deserving. Get busy my fellow Ladybugs. Take flight by reading Half the Sky!-

In bookstores September 8, 2009. Advance copies can be ordered at www.Amazon.com and at www.BarnesandNoble.com.

ANNOUNCEMENTS

We are often asked to pass on information of interest to our readers so we decided to set aside this area to keep you informed.    Non-profit announcements of interest to our readers are included without charge, but some items in this section are paid advertisements. If you would like an announcement or advertisement included here, please contact LadybugPress.

(Inclusion in these announcements is not an endorsement for the cause or organization by LadybugPress, LadybugBooks.com, or LadybugFlights.)

Appalachian Literacy Project

The Program-
donate books every quarter every three months beginning in September 2009 (September, December, February, May of each year) according to the age appropriate categories. The first donation would be made anytime in September 2009 and subsequently in the months listed above, after that.

    Infant - 5 years
    6 years - 12 years
    13 years - 17 years
    18 years - 25 years
    26 years and up (this group will include senior citizens)
Simply label the batch of books with the appropriate age category (as in "6-12 Years, etc.) and mail every three months to:
    Betty and Elmer Harris
    The Homecoming Church
    HC 69 Box 2865
    Inez, Kentucky 41224
There are more way to participate so find out more, e-mail: Larnette.phillips98@gmail.com with the words "Appalachian Literacy Project" in the subject line.

 

LadybugFlights:

Looking for News and views...

It has been more than ten years now and we are always looking for your help. Are you a news hound with a concern for women's issues? Contact Georgia@ladybugbooks.com. We think we are looking for you.

At the same time, we are always looking for articles, stories, and poetry for every issue. We have discovered some excellent writers here at LadybugFlights and would love to add you to our list of outstanding first timers— or to our list of regulars!

And... We are always looking to audio hosts but this time of year it is the teens who are noticed growing up, so if you know a mature teen with something to say, have them say it here!

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From the EDITOR

To Follow

As we watched the ceremonies in honor of the life of service of Senator Edward M. Kennedy this week I noticed a strange juxtaposition with another funeral, that of a Taliban leader. Who it was or where this second funeral took place is of little importance to the impact it had; my reaction was not about the person but the mourners. What struck me in the slide between these two news reports and their attendant images was the news that the Taliban funeral was attended by followers and that the funeral of Ted Kennedy has provoked an outpouring of recognition. It is an important difference.

In English language dictionaries, "follow" is defined, in its first two definitions, as "to come after" in sequence/to move along behind. It is not until the third meaning that we come to definitions that apply to the Taliban funeral: "to accept the authority"; "to conform to"; "to imitate or copy". Consider that the willingness to become a bomb for a leader or a cause must require total acceptance and I see in that funeral attended by followers the essence of a divide that cuts deeply into our cultural consciousness.

Of course, there are Westerners who can and do accept without question and act on that acceptance. Followers exist in every culture, but for much of our modern history western cultures have discouraged these third, fourth and fifth definitions of follow. There are obvious exceptions; Fascist Germany, every war and, centuries before, the Crusades, where populations have given themselves over to blind acceptance and followed. But those definitions are no longer culturally ingrained in a way that makes them seem natural or acceptable.

Many countries that have had traditions of individuality—and many religions besides radical Islam—would like to change that tradition, but it is one that is essential to the democratic process when it is moderated by a concern for the entirety of our human needs.

The difference between "to follow" as coming after and as acceptance explains the jolt I felt between these news stories.

In recent decades, the tendency in our own society has shifted away from the necessity for concern for the entirety of our human needs and toward the singular nature of that individuality. In rejecting the concept of followers, we have taken steps away from our shared values and allowed greed to pass as individualism and selfishness as freedom.

That is clear in single issue politics that have torn our communities, legislatures, and families apart for nearly half a century now. It is clear in the health care debate, where even the most needy are unwilling to let go of what little they feel they have (usually at someone else's largess) in order that more can be cared for, and in those at the pinnacle of the economic totem who refuse to acknowledge or assist the many they stand atop.

These attitudes are popular and that makes them small cases of to follow as accept. But they are more than that; they are harbingers of a world where the path of service may not be followed or taught. I wonder who will follow the past generation of Kennedy's in working for our humanity and individual dignity, the path to government for the greater good?
Georgia Jones, Editor

 

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READERS REFLECT At LadybugFlights we have always encouraged the participation of our readers. For that reason we have this space, a place where you can be heard. Nothing as formal as an article or a column... Just some venting, self-expression, or a chance to communicate what you are thinking on almost any topic. Send it to us and we will let you know if we can use it!

 

Hello!

I'm a new reader of LadybugFlights magazine. I've been reading Maria Fairbank's story and thinking a lot about her perspective on her adventures, waiting for the final installment to see where she winds things up. Much of what she said resonates harmoniously in my mind - tho some of it goes right over my head.

Life is change is life is change is life. Change comes. It takes unending forms, many of which involve suffering - a particular kind of change, difficult by definition; we avoid it when we can. We drug ourselves, drug each other, numb ourselves, deny and avoid. When you think about it, much of our western social energy (can't speak for other cultures) is devoted to this end. Maria doesn't deny or avoid the changes her suffering brought to her (you could say she had no choice, but there is always a choice); that makes her story unusual and enlightening.

Severe physical suffering is bad - pain can strip a person of self-possession with brutal efficiency. Less severe pain, discomfort, indignity, grinding illness especially with not much hope of a return to health - you can still think, but barely, and as energy and hope wane there is less and less reason to keep keeping on - who can say that's not just as bad as flat-out agony? Psychic pain, or spiritual pain - mourning the loss of the life we had and loved and may never have again - is natural & reasonable - and rare, in a culture devoted to avoiding pain. As Maria points out it is hard for most people to be in the presence of strong movement of the soul - as it is difficult to be in the presence of strong pain, or strong emotion. The inclination is to escape - part empathy/sympathy, desire for suffering to be eased. It's part ignorance; we are not advanced enough to know how to express, understand, or feel our feelings. And I think partly the heritage of evolution. At a subconscious level we wish to get away from suffering, or stop it, or at least silence it. One who is weak or crying out will bring the predator among us - that one must be silenced. In the presence of Maria's mourning, people chided her or drugged her. Because few of us choose to take the conscious route Maria took - looking squarely at her loss and grieving it honestly - her tears were not understood, and that became yet another level of misery. "I was on a long and sorrowful journey, and it was a journey unrecognized, unsupported, and unendorsed... It may be that this journey is essentially taken alone no matter where or with whom one finds oneself" Maria says. I wonder if the aloneness IS the journey - that until we understand ourselves to be completely cut off, we have not yet really embarked on that suffering path. Even if we are lucky enough to be surrounded by genuinely loving friends, there are some places to which no one can accompany us.

Maria's path back to health, the ability to express the original self as she says, is I think uncommon. Because most of us are not much in touch with any original self, we don't know how to express it even in peaceful easy circumstances. Not knowing what is lost we don't know how to get back to it when we come out the other side of suffering. We are changed by suffering, but not often enlarged, not energized. When Maria says "grief is growth" I doubt the accuracy of that - perhaps yes, perhaps no, depending on the grief or the griever. Grief is change, but change is not always growth. People can be frozen embittered destroyed by suffering, by grief.

One thing I take from reading Maria's story is that there are different responses to suffering. Sometimes it can only be endured, but sometimes it can and should be resisted. For instance it's right to resist the idea that illness - hers or mine or anyones - is a meal ticket for many people and so should be meekly born - that a tube coming out of your belly can ever be 'normal'. The idea that a sick person should learn to see themselves as sick. That's just - well, sick! Another concept I came away with is the distinction between being cured, and being healed - which is great & true, & which had never occurred to me before. And also that the pain and grief of suffering is not outside myself - it is a part of me, part of my own energy.

When Maria wrote "everything depends", I felt that to be true. Theres no constant solution or permanent state or single answer to these difficulties. What gets me through to the other side may not work for you, and what eases my sorrow and strengthens me today may not touch me tomorrow.

I am glad she shared so frankly, and I hope her health and welbeing continue. Thank you for sharing her story.

Denise Salmon

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