LadybugFlights


ISSN: 1530-5775

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LadybugFlights
October 2007 Vol.9 #10


Featured Fiction

LadybugFlights, Looking Back from December of 2003,
Excerpted from Write What You Know by Georgia Jones

 

ANGELA MY LOVE

"How could you think that no one would notice a thing like that? I mean, like really..." She added this last, the obligatory phrase, as a gesture to her dignity and control of the situation. For a moment there I think she had lost both.

How could I think?... I couldn't think right then. I was more angry than she was. But I had thought. I had thought that I could confront this teenage rebellion, walk squarely into it and get my little girl back. I knew we were in trouble when she came home wearing black lipstick for the first time. I had already objected to her choice in music, and her choice in friends and clothes were starting to be a problem between us. I pay for your clothes, I had reminded her.

"I have to wear them," she answered, slamming her bedroom door to finalize her point.

Even I had to admit there was some truth in that, but there were limits and wasn't that what parents were for? Imposing limits? OK, so the limits were a little narrower for her, but I have to live by limits too. We all do. Now we had both broken through them. "Torn through" is the phrase I would have used right then. I rubbed my sore tummy with my hand and turned to go into the kitchen and the familiar problems associated with finding something a teenage girl will eat. Why can't they stay five forever? I thought, feeling a good pout coming on.

I glared into the refrigerator wishing it could transmit all of my anger back at this daughter of mine, my own sweet Angela, who had rechristened herself Angelbaby just a week ago. I would never adjust to that name. It reminded me of a record my older brother used to play all the time. Our parents were no fonder of that music than I was now of Angela's. It was different, though; ours was innocent and harmless.

"If I fix spaghetti would you eat it, Angelbaby?" I called out to the living room, using the new name as a sort of peace offering.

"Mother! Please!" She announced and when I heard the door close I knew she would be eating with Kristen again. What did Kristen's mother do that I couldn't? Was there some magic ingredient in her spaghetti? The real truth that I suspected and wouldn't admit was that Kristen's mother's appeal was entirely in who she wasn't. She wasn't Angela's mom.

I shut the refrigerator door and sat down at the kitchen table, prepared to feel sorry for myself. I rubbed my tummy again. It really stung. Like a bee sting, I thought. When I moved my hand away I realized that it had blood on it, not much but the darn thing was bleeding again. That wasn't supposed to happen. "It's bloodless and nearly painless, like almost unnoticeable," the girl at the shop had said. I should have gone to the doctor.

He would have laughed himself silly! No, Doc Morton had seen too many of our aches and pains for too long to let him see me making a fool of myself like this. And I did feel very foolish right then. I couldn't go to Doc Morton now. Not now.

This was something I would have to take care of myself. I was gazing down at my bared belly, at the naval which was red and looked a little bruised. I was wondering if peroxide would solve my problem or if I should just take it out and forget the whole thing when there was a knock at the back door. Angela wasn't home and I wasn't expecting anyone. I was suddenly very self conscious. Whoever it was would be the first one except Angela, and the girl at the shop of course, to see the new me. What if I opened the door and found one of my own parents standing there?

That was very unlikely since both of my parents were in Florida for the fishing right then. Still... I hesitated.

The knock was repeated. I tugged the end of my blouse as low as it would go and advanced toward the door with caution. Through the curtained window I could see the blonde head of a girl so like and so unlike my own Angela that it was sometimes chilling. Kristen. I pulled the door open with a sense of defiance. When Angela had rejected my gesture she had caught me off guard. I had been prepared to be flattered, ogled, envied. Now I was ready for the full force of teenage rebuke.

"Mrs. Antonio..." Kristen began but stopped as if she had lost her place while reading a complicated text. She took in what she saw. "Mrs. Antonio!" She almost screamed, but she was smiling, dancing into the room, stretching out her arms to hold me in position to look and look again. "I can't believe it!" She squealed. "My mom would never... Oh, Angelbaby is sooo lucky." She broke off abruptly and threw herself into the same chair I had just risen from. I reflected that the crestfallen pout she demonstrated was probably a close approximation of the one I had just exercised there.

"Is something wrong, Kristen? Angela...baby isn't home. I thought she went to your house?" For a moment I wasn't worried about my tummy or Kristen's problem whatever it was. I was worried that Angela may be in trouble. She may have been angry enough with me to do something stupid... I don't know what all I imagined. It only took an instant, but I am sure that none of it was good.

"No." Kristen responded, much too slowly to stop my heart from racing and the images of destruction that bounced through my mind. "I know Angelbaby isn't here. She's at my house swooning over my mom's new needlepoint! I don't know why I can't have a mom who does cool things like you. Like my mom wouldn't be caught dead with a navel ring!"

And my Angela wouldn't be caught dead swooning over needlepoint, I thought. But she wasn't my Angela and I guessed I would have to get used to the idea. She was her own Angelbaby now.

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Featured Article

World Events and Natural Disasters Trigger Your Fear and Anxiety

from Doris Jeanette, Psy.D.

Natural disasters, wars, 9/11, deaths, bridge disasters are triggers for your personal fear and conditioned anxiety. I have noticed this world wide anxiety pattern for over 30 years with my friends and my clients. When the World Trade Centers where destroyed, when Diana died in a car accident, when John Lennon was killed by a man, people react.

Peter came into my office after the fighting in the Middle East worsen, "I cannot sleep anymore. What is wrong with me?" He did not connect the world events with his problem. "No, I have never had any fear or anxiety," he reported, "Never."

Peter could not sleep because he was having anxiety attacks about getting killed. The reason he felt like he was suddenly hit over the head with insomnia is because he had not been dealing with his fears of intimacy and emotional closeness in his daily live. He had been avoiding his real fear and binding his anxiety.

Peter asked me, "Am I losing my mind?" "No," I reassured him, "You are not losing your mind, you are losing your denial. Your fears of intimacy and negative reactions to emotional closeness have been in your unconscious for many years, but you have been avoiding them. The fighting in the Middle East is a stimulus which is bringing up your real fear and anxiety to your conscious mind."

I counseled Peter, "I will teach you how to stop your anxiety attacks now so you can reduce your insomnia. Then you need to deal with your deeper emotions and feelings which you have been avoiding. This will keep your panic attacks from coming back. You can learn how to relax and face the real fears in your life."

So, now is the time to look inward and focus on your real fear and conditioned anxiety so the next time a disaster happens you are prepared. An added perk is you get to enjoy the many other benefits of relaxing and becoming emotionally healthy.

Remember, any unconscious material you have been denying, erupts when natural disasters or world events happen. If you do not deal with your personal anxiety and real fears now, you might develop anxiety attacks when the next bridge disaster or terrorist attack occurs.

If you do nothing to reduce your anxiety, anxiety grows bigger and bigger. Anxiety generalizes into more and more life situations. This means your world becomes smaller and smaller and your pleasure diminishes.

To expand your world, turn around and face the real fears and anxiety you have been avoiding. Your pleasure improves in everyday life and the next time a disaster happens you are prepared. For more help in learning how to deal with your personal fear and conditioned anxiety visit Dr. Jeanette online.

Be prepared to deal with the next scary world event in an emotionally healthy fashion.

 

Doris Jeanette, Psy.D., licensed psychologist, is a licensed psychologist, anxiety expert with 30 + years of experience teaching people how to relax and author of Overcoming Anxiety Naturally, multimedia e course. Dr. Jeanette is the host of "Live at the Edge" on MooseMeals.com
Find out more at www.drjeanette.com

Download Information:
 Print "Overcoming Anxiety Naturally"
Find out more about Anxiety Signs and Anxiety Help

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Special Feature

We were sent these photographs from the Hubble Telescope with no directions about what to do with them, but they were too beautiful to ignore and they go so well with interviews from Steve Kates, Dr. SkyTM that we decided to use them here, along with a Dr. SkyTM Interview from his early shows that we thought you would like to hear.

Astronomers Select Top Ten Most Amazing Pictures Taken by Hubble Space Telescope in Last 16 Years
"...they illustrate that our universe is not only deeply strange, but also almost impossibly beautiful." Michael Hanlon/AH (Nov 25th, 2006) After correcting an initial problem with the lens, when the Hubble Space Telescope was first launched in 1990, the floating astro-observatory began to relay back to Earth, incredible snapshots of the "final frontier" it was perusing. Recently, astronauts voted on the top photographs taken by Hubble, in its 16-year journey so far. Remarking in the article from the Daily Mail, reporter Michael Hanlon says the photos "illustrate that our universe is not only deeply strange, but also almost impossibly beautiful."
On NewVoices.com
The Sombrero Galaxy - 28 million light years from Earth - was voted best picture taken by the Hubble telescope. The dimensions of the galaxy, officially called M104, are as spectacular as its appearance. It has 800 billion suns and is 50,000 light years across.
On NewVoices.com
The Ant Nebula, a cloud of dust and gas whose technical name is Mz3, resembles an ant when observed using ground-based telescopes. The nebula lies within our galaxy between 3,000 and 6,000 light years from Earth.

 

On NewVoices.com
In third place is Nebula NGC 2392, called Eskimo because it looks like a face surrounded by a furry hood. The hood is, in fact, a ring of comet -shaped objects flying away from a dying star. Eskimo is 5,000 light years from Earth.
On NewVoices.com
At four is the Cat's Eye Nebula

 

On NewVoices.com
The Hourglass Nebula, 8,000 light years away, has a pinched-in-the-middle look because the winds that shape it are weaker at the centre.
On NewVoices.com
In sixth place is the Cone Nebula. The part pictured here is 2.5 light years in length (the equivalent of 23 million return trips to the Moon).

 

On NewVoices.com
The Perfect Storm, a small region in the Swan Nebula, 5,500 light years away, described as 'a bubbly ocean of hydrogen and small amounts of oxygen, sulphur and other elements'.
On NewVoices.com
Starry Night, so named because it reminded astronomers of the Van Gogh painting. It is a halo of light around a star in the Milky Way.

 

On NewVoices.com
The glowering eyes from 114 million light years away are the swirling cores of two merging galaxies called NGC 2207 and IC 2163 in the distant Canis Major constellation.
On NewVoices.com
The Trifid Nebula. A 'stellar nursery', 9,000 light years from here, it is where new stars are being born.

 

Teen Talk Radio, Audio, Webcasting, Web Casting

Laura Woodmasee
Author of
Women AstronautsListen to Audio Shows

    On NewVoices.com

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Science & Medical

We thought you would want to read the second in this series from guest columnist Richard Kuhns, then Tina will return next month.

Hypnosis—Choosing a Hypnotist or Self Help Audio Tape Program
Richard Kuhns B.S.Ch.E.

You're either looking for a hypnotist for self improvement or are searching on the internet for a hypnosis self help cd or audio tape program.

If you're looking for a professional hypnotist the best one is one who is referred to you by a client or patient (a true testimonial). If no referral exists, the first thing is to make sure he/she is certified to do hypnosis by a recognized agency such as the National Guild of Hypnotists. If some other agency, Google the agency to determine if it is a bona fide agency. Fees range from $50 per half hour to $200. Some charge session by session whereas others ask for a series of sessions (usually three or four) to be paid up front. Session by session is not necessarily the best approach but certainly if there is a personality conflict you're limited to that one hypnosis session.

In the absence of a personal referral check with the local chamber of commerce or better business bureau to review any complaints. Avoid those who:
  • talk down to you.
  • won't answer your questions.
  • won't keep your information confidential—should be automatic.

It's always a good idea to ask for testimonials or go to their website for testimonials.

While there, check for the biography and their mission statement. If they provide success rates, ask for any data to substantiate their conclusions. For stop smoking and weight loss (two typical problems for which hypnosis is used) often 70 or 80% success rates are claimed. Be aware that of those who stop smoking only around 11% (National average) of those who stop smoking stay stopped for a year and only 5% of those who lose weight keep it off for a year. Thus the 70%, unless substantiated by real statistics, is usually the hypnotist remembering a few successes and forgetting many clients who came a session or two and never came back. In reality anyone who is achieving 35 to 40% success rates in these two areas is doing very well.

Generally results are not guaranteed—just as doctors can't guarantee results. The guarantee is that you will receive their utmost attention and expertise to your issues during the time of your visit.

Most hypnotists do an intake where they gather information about you. Then there's usually what is called a "pre-talk" where they tell you what to expect in terms of what you'll feel and observe while in trance.

Most hypnotists will do the hypnosis in person with you; on occasion, you'll have a hypnotist who will program a recording device to deliver the suggestions as you sit in a chair with a headset. Some have special chairs that vibrate or headsets with blinking lights and background sound using specific frequencies. I can't say there's any particular advantage to these "bells and whistles." It's really a matter of personal preference.

Hypnotists often give talks at libraries or for various clubs. Ask if any are scheduled and attend the event.

If you're searching for a self help program through the internet, you'll find a wide variety of programs available. The question is: Does the description of the approach in the program make sense to you? Rule of thumb, just don't rely on a description that says, "Listen to this program and you'll notice dramatic improvement!" Truth is that 30% (except for stop smoking and weight loss) will improve using any program—it's called the placebo effect. And that's nice; however, if you're not in that 30% it's unlikely you're going to give another program a shot. And that's kind of silly, isn't it? After all if you took your car to a mechanic and he charged you to fix the car and it still didn't work well, would you never take your car to another mechanic?

Or if you went to one dentist and he didn't do a great job, would you never go to another dentist?

But, because of this possibility of you only giving it one shot, then research several programs designed for a similar purpose and choose the one that makes the most sense to you.

If I told you that I could have you have all your dentistry done without any analgesic such as Novocain (painless dentistry), you'd probably find that a stretch. Yet if I told you how it's done, then even though you'd still be doubtful, it would make enough sense to the point you'd give it a shot.

This same power resides in all of us. It's the job of the hypnotist to guide each of you in unleashing that power to work for you.

Experience: Certainly someone who has been in practice for several years would be a logical choice.

Follow these guidelines to choose a hypnotist or a self help self hypnosis audio tape program and you will have taken reasonable cautions.


Richard Kuhns B.S.Ch.E. NGH Certified is one of the few engineers who has traversed the physical to the mental universe. He operated the Biofeedback Center of NJ and Hypnosis Consultants for nearly twenty years during which time he conducted stress management programs for corporations such as AT&T and IFF. He appeared on various radio and TV shows such as the Arlene Francis WOR radio show, Joe Franklin…

His website www.dstressdoc.com has programs using stress management and hypnotic techniques for self improvement. His other site (www.PanicBusters.com) is focused for the professional wanting to dramatically improve success in the treatment of panic/anxiety and agoraphobia.

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Virtual World

An Embarrasment of Riches

Most of the time, when I want to find something, I click on Google and type in my search term. That usually gives an excessive number of results, many more than can be explored. Thus, for example, let's suppose I want to learn something about quilting. If I type in the term "quilt" in Google, I find 19,000,000 results. It would take me a long time to go through all those.

I can narrow my search results if I know what it is I want to find out about quilting. Sites like Google support and virtualchase.com can suggest strategies for narrowing and refining the search by using additional search terms and other parameters like excluding certain terms. Thus searching on American cotton quilt -crazy produces only 883,000 results for American cotton quilts that are not crazy quilts. But these are still way too many, and a lot of them don't look very useful. There must be a better way.

There is. Subject directories are databases of sites organized by subject, as classified by a human beings. In them you drill down to the required topics. Yahoo has a directory site, and I get to the quilts by going from the main directory: Directory > Arts > Crafts > Quilting. Clicking on Artists gives several categories of links, including those to the websites of 99 wonderful quilt artists.

Another great Subject directory is infomine. Exploring the quilt listings there, I found a web site with 1800 quilts in museums and private collections - pictures, background information and all. A real treasure trove to explore.

I challenge you to find a directory and start exploring. You'll be delighted. I'm off now, to go look at some more of those 1800 quilts. It's much better to have too many quilt pictures than too many websites!

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Baby Bug

    Come Explore With Me

 

Dora the Explorer is a best friend at our house. Emily has fallen love with this Latina wanderer. I have fallen in love with her organizational, directional, and planning skills and the fact that she is indeed an explorer.

Every day, Dora explores the world around her with the help of her well-stocked backpack which is always full of exactly what she needs. I explore the world with the back of my SUV stocked with the wrong things. I have had to stop and buy new clothes because someone gets dirty or just forgets to put on pants. I have had to buy Bandaids because someone gets hurt. Dora would have the perfect outfit and her own branded Bandaids (which we do own!) at the ready.

Dora also has a magic map in her backpack. The map is clearly marked with GPS accuracy. The best part is that map repeats three-part directions of where to go. Dora knows to go to the nutty forest and then the running river and then the castle on the hill. She and her friends repeat the directions over and over again and always manage to find their way through. I have GPS and still manage to get lost. The woman reading directions on the GPS is very cheery but even she can't figure out things when a road is closed.

Dora has a constant companion and magical friends. If she doesn't have the correct outfit to enter a fancy dress ball, she can call on her friend in the magic balloon who arrives pronto with the perfect clothes for her and Boots (the helpful companion). Her backpack is the perfect size, doesn't hurt or back or shoulder, and is never overfull with receipts, melted candy with one bite missing, the mate to a toddler shoe, and a mass of expired coupons.

When Dora's companions aren't friendly, she works with them to make friends and forgives them. Recently, she used her own wish to get Swiper (one of the resident bad guys) free from the bottle he was trapped in. The Dancing Elf should have taken Swiper's place in the bottle but she got him free too. Generous to a fault, she didn't even try to get a wish for herself. Emily already knows to tell Swiper to stop swiping things. She hasn't quite mastered that in real life.

We have decided in our equally feminine and masculine house that we need a Dora the Transformer--part Dora, part robot. We would have to have two of them to keep the swiping from happening. I think the mix would work would well. Dora and her generous, forgiving nature mixed with the evil-fighting Transformer. This would also give Dora some protection from the weapon wielding, doll-destructing Joel. Every night in bed, there is a carefully selected mix of various Doras. Some sing, some transform to princess-style, and still others are world travelers dressed to voyage to China or other faraway places.

Unlike many characters for kids on television, Dora actually has a family. She has a mami, an abuelita, and a papi. She loves them and always returns home safely to them in the end. She shares her explorations with them. They are included in her playsets. It is not the Disney world where the parents are absent to help the kids fend for themselves. It is a happy, safe world. Emily sees Dora with pure eyes and doesn't realize that she might look a little different than she does. She just admires the perpetually filled but never heavy, purple backpack and looks for her own map. Dora is a strong, confident Latina woman that can dance and sing as well as Shakira (another of Emily's favorites) but still manages to keep the magic of childhood in her heart.

I think I would be more organized if I were Dora. I could hunt down wishes and forgive more often. I could find the perfect clothes in the back of the SUV. I could explore more and get lost less often. My purse wouldn't weigh ten tons but would still hold just what I need when I need it. I know why Emily loves Dora so much. I only hope she keeps Dora as a role model in the future and on her own explorations.

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Linda Vernon

    Those Inexpensive Homes Are Really Far Out!

The ad said four bedrooms, three baths, and featured an attractive family seated in an elegant living room. A window looked out onto green rolling hills and a deer grazed under a large oak . . . and all for under $300,000!

Before you could say "refinance," we packed up the kids, hitched up the Wagoneer and headed out for Hog Heaven Estates - an immensely popular housing development located a mere hop, skip and jump from the Bay Area.

We bought our car thinking it would be roomy enough for the entire family. Obviously, we failed to allow for the scientific phenomenon that causes children to expand to fit the size of whatever container they happen to be in.

It doesn't matter how little the kids look out in the driveway, once you get their skinny little bodies into the car . . . poof! They swell up like a bad bee sting. That's why when one back seat occupant breathes a little too deeply, it will invariably trigger a chain reaction forcing another child to accidentally pull out a handful of his sister's hair.

Anyway, we - the human sardine family - arrived at the pearly gates of Hog Heaven Estates in good time thanks to my husband's uncanny ability to block out all my save driving tips.

At first glance, we were a little disappointed. I mean, you'd think hundreds of miles from the Bay Area you could get a house with a decent sized lot.

To describe properly the size of the lots at Hog Heaven Estates, we must first look back to the days of the Ancient Egyptians. As you will remember from your 1979 Official King Tut Souvenir Brochure, the Egyptian Master Builders constructed the pyramids without the use of modern machinery. Somehow they managed to put those big huge stones so close together that, to this day, it is impossible to fit a single sheet of paper between them.

So although Hog heaven Estates wasn't exactly what we had envisioned and although there wasn't a hill or tree in sight, we decided to tour the model homes anyway because we would probably never be able to afford a trip to see the real pyramids.

We were only in the sales office a few seconds when a Master Real Estate Agent approached us. We knew we were some distance from the Bay Area, but it did come as a surprise when he welcomed us to Nevada. Right off, we asked if they ever got any buyers who commuted everyday to the Bay Area. Being an optimistic family, we interpreted his hearty laugh for a "yes."

We spent the next couple of hours hanging out in the model homes - breathing in the airy décor and lounging around on the designer couches. We were having a great time too until we discovered that all the food in the kitchen was fake. It was time to bid adieu to Hog Heaven and head for Denny's.

Before leaving, we asked about the green, rolling hills and the deer. It seems there had been some unseasonable hot weather last Thursday and someone forgot to put the deer in the shade . . . and, well, it melted. And just last week construction crews converted the green rolling hill into 5,327 townhouse condos completing Phases V, VI and VII of Hog Heaven Estates - and all for under $300,000!

Eat your heart out King Tut.


Blog with Linda!
Linda will soon be joining the lineup of ejoyable programming at LadybugLive.com. Watch for "Shut the Hell Up Girlfriend" starting this month. And, did you know: Linda Vernona was a Grand Prize Winner of Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest.

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THIS MONTH:

Poetry Corner  Poetry

 

Poetry
	
		

WHAT THE VOICE OF THE TURTLE SAID When I think of home, it's the turtle I think of. A home on her back, no great burden; A shelter that shields her from whimsical Gods overhead, against stabs From below. Her portable home will expand as she grows, Not insisting she stay at just this size Or that so she'll fit within bounds That are not what she'd choose On her own. She can't entertain much by having folks in. Not much of a problem: her turtle friends All live in homes of their own That they bring to the party To show. There are holes to step out from for lettuce and mating And speaking the thoughts that a turtle Finds worthy to share, such as this, Murmured low: A fine house Isn't home. For as long as you need one; to get one and keep one Depends on good fortune's agreeing To grant you the dough. And this, Whispered so: Your loved ones aren't home. For all they may love you, swift time will eventually Take them away to the shadows. The memories that warm or chill Only tell you how much You're exposed. This turtle talk's wisdom. Now I am my home. And when I am asked by those jesters, "Say, are you a turtle?" reply, "Ho, you bet your sweet ass I am, Jo!" For Lee Stone

Laura Gregg
Excerpted from Women on a Wire and LadybugFlights December 2000

 

Poetry

	
		

sympathy of empathy wheeling a wheelchair rolling strolling along tyranny of malady sickness and deform tolerance and love become the well and unwell need each other, and those feelings walk the dog put out the cat and feed the birds Shimon Weinroth

If you were engaged by Shimon's poem listen to his MooseMeals.com program The View From Anywhere. If you would like to chime in, go listen and send him your comments!

 

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Fly Away

We are serializing Flying Lessons for Butterflies by Sheila Whitman. Sheila Whitman is a Professional Counselor and Life Coach, with a private practice in CT. She has done agency counseling with pregnant and postpartum women, and coordinated a residence for women and children in a domestic violence program. Sheila strives to nurture the potential of her clients, and understands that past or current abuse is incredibly detrimental to this goal of self-actualization. The lessons contained in this book invite the reader to challenge old beliefs, and make concrete changes in self-esteem and creative risk taking. Emphasis is on strategies for altering perceptions and behaviors that may have been distorted during childhood, and the development of a healthy integration of mind, body, and soul. The underlying message is that every individual has great value and can eventually soar to discover his or her best self. Sheila completed her B.S. at Temple University and M.S. at Southern CT State University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Connecticut and a Registered Professional Counselor in California.

Information about Sheila Whitman's counseling and life coaching can be found on the web site http://www.counselorlifecoach.com/.

Sheila Whitman      Sheila Whitman

 

Flying Lessons For BUTTERFLIES
How to free yourself from the effects of abuse

 

Chapter 1, cont.
UNDERSTANDING AND OVERCOMING
THE LEGACY OF ABUSE

Lesson 2 - The child within: you're still the same person you always were

 

You might argue that your experience wasn't really abuse. Perhaps there was no physical harm, and you wonder if it was your own distorted viewpoint. However, any form of mistreatment that is imposed on a child has a lasting impact. A child who is injured in an accident will heal, usually without permanent mental consequences. The child who is abused by a parent will heal, as well, but the psychological injury persists, and can undermine personal development. This residual aftermath is difficult to document and quantify, a fact that is basic to denial and minimization of any type of abuse.

You are an adult, now. You may tell yourself that childhood is in the past and should be forgotten. But your life is a continuum. Your early experiences still influence conscious and unconscious responses to everything you encounter. It's all connected, in a time line and into the depths of who you are. Your memories, remembered or put aside, are in the bones of your personality. They impact your spirit, and have the power to imprison you or grant the freedom to soar.

Now, as you grapple with the daily challenges of adult life, you may find it difficult to maintain emotional balance. You may cry or have angry outbursts, and encounter interpersonal conflicts as a result. You may perceive that others are criticizing or judging you, when this is not the case. You may feel overwhelmed or depressed, and want, more than anything, to isolate yourself under the bed covers. These are reactions of the child who still resides in your heart, the child who continues to expect hurt and rejection. Your Child can either prevent a stable and balanced life, or add originality and spontaneity to your maturity. For this reason, it is crucial for this little person to learn that he/she is a unique and valuable person, rather than the victim of prior days.

This requires honest assessment of what actually occurred, as you were growing up. It is not easy to be objective when looking at the intimate world of family and the conflicting messages that you may have received. Your experiences and their excuses may have been quite divergent; you may have been placed in painful, unfamiliar circumstances, then blamed for the consequences. Essentially, you didn't have the opportunity to learn how to handle emotions, or what to expect in a healthy family.

If your goal is to have genuine, rewarding interactions, and to be at ease with yourself, the child in you must learn to understand his/her insights and responses. You need to begin accepting your individuality and allowing your emotions to be felt and expressed. Even if this was not part of your childhood agenda, you are entitled to it, and can start right now to embrace this privilege. There is no reason why you should be denied what others are savoring: appreciation of oneself, stable relationships, courage, creativity, and peace.

Let your Child emerge from fear, through a process of checking in with your feelings and ideas, labeling them as real, and living according to your own urgings. This is your life!

 

Lesson 3 -
Challenge the old tapes: Stop dwelling on your weaknesses and begin a list of assets

Who said you had to be perfect? Could it be those messages from Mom or Dad, replaying in your head? If you could just be perfect, perhaps she wouldn't criticize, perhaps he might love you, perhaps they'd act like the other kids' parents. Maybe you did all the chores, or brought home great report cards, and did whatever they asked. After all, haven't we heard that hard work and good behavior are rewarded?

But, that is true only if the playing field is clear and even. When you have someone in charge of you who is unstable, cruel, drinking, or impaired in any way, the ability to lead, love, and parent is compromised, and it's unlikely that you can receive the unconditional love that children thrive on.

Now, as an adult, do you still believe that you must be perfect? Are you self-critical and stalled by fear of failure? Are you certain that others can do a better job and deserve the opportunities and rewards more than you do? Do you have trouble accepting compliments, and even more difficulty describing your attributes?

Everyone has done something well, and has potential to do more, with adequate autonomy, time, and positive feedback. The roots that led you to focus on weaknesses and negatives are deep within the hurtful environment where you grew up, and where you may currently reside. Perhaps you were isolated from the refreshing input of people who cared and had no need to control you, and this left you with the persistent message that you were not worth much. You may have embraced this definition, and your self-esteem has declined lower and lower. At this point, you may see only the deficiencies and few of the strengths, and have stopped trying to develop and express your unique abilities.

You can begin to change this perspective through active assessment of your accomplishments, personal attributes, skills, and potential for future success. On the following pages, Exercise 1 will help you to outline a description of your best self, and Exercise 2 will increase your understanding of the changes that occur, as you become more aware and convinced of your strengths.

 

Exercise 1
Are you able to write a list of your positive qualities? This can be a difficult task for anyone who has lived an abusive childhood (even if there was no physical harm), but it is worth the effort. This exercise can help you to appreciate your abilities and experience self-confidence. Look at this as a homework assignment, and continue to add to the list, as you think of more ideas.

 

MAKE A LIST:
  • Your Accomplishments
  • Your Positive Personal Abilities
  • Your Skills
  • Possible Future Skills

    Next month: Exercise 2 and Lesson 4. Meanwhile, work on your list.


  • To order Flying Lessons for Butterflies: How to free yourself from the effects of abuse:

    Contact the author at 203-910-4279 or WhitmanLPC@aol.com

    OR

    Butterflies


    Get information on Domestic violence and violence against women at LadybugBooks.com

    We invite any of you to contribute on this subject. We feel it is important to continue the discussion of domestic violence.

    Read this feature from past issues.

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    Women Exceptional Women are Our History and Our Future:

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Women

    A HEART OF WISDOM

    LadybugFlights is not a religious publication but the following is a sermon delivered in 2000 (and republished in LadybugFlights 12/00) by Diana Lambson. Diana was a regular contributor to these pages and a Parish Ministry Associate with the Lutheran church. The occasion was a special one, Thankoffering Sunday service, an ELCA church-wide celebration. The ELCA church women's groups in the U.S. hold similar services throughout the U.S. the 23rd Sunday after Pentecost as part of a year-long project that includes special thank offering boxes for donations all year.

      You can learn more about Diana, and other exceptional women working within the framework of religion on
      "A Closer Look", The Divinity of Women segment, on LadybugLive.
    Don't you just hate deadlines? They put a lot of stress on one, especially if you are like me.

    I'm a reporter, a regional correspondent for the "Hastings Tribune" and for three of the weeklies around where I live. As a reporter deadlines are a daily part of my life. They have been since 1987 when I began reporting the news. However, even after 13 years as a reporter I still can't get used to the idea of a deadline. I can't seem to get going on a story until right before it is due. That shouldn't surprise me. Growing up I never seemed to be able to function, get my work done, until a deadline got close enough to give me fits. Like as not, I didn't start the chores until I absolutely had too.

    I didn't go to the library to do the research for my term papers until a couple of days before the assignment was due, then I had to do all the footnotes, the bibiliography and all the re-writes in the very short 24 hours before that 8:30 Monday morning biology class. I didn't begin to clean my room until one hour before Mom's deadline of "do it by 3 p.m. or you are grounded" and it was Saturday at 2 p.m., there were mountains of clothes to put away, papers all over the floor, things best left undisturbed growing under my bed and my friends and I had planned a great night in town. What are deadlines for anyway: to scare us into behaving; to make us take responsibility for tasks needing to be done; to ensure we plan ahead and are prepared; to keep us alert and on our toes or to cause us to be so single-mindedly focused on the deadline we miss seeing what's around us, we miss opportunities to do God's work in the here and now, we pass by the little enjoyments of life and end up with ulcers, stress headaches, depression and even things as desparate as thoughts of suicide?

    Well folks, we have another deadline — that little note the usher brought me before we began indicated God just called and said we have about twenty-five minutes before the world ends. We have about twenty-five more minutes to prepare for the kingdom.

    Oh yes, He asked that we take a few of those minutes to think about what has been most meaningful for us in this life — for what are we most thankful — what has made us most happy — what has been most satisfying in our lives — what has made us feel safe, secure and worthwhile — loved.

    Jesus and the disciples were leaving the temple in Jerusalem. It was an imposing structure of many large towers and courtyards, in fact, many buildings. It had been hundreds of years in the building. The Jews were proud of the house they had built for God. They suffered much to make sure it was standing. It was a landmark for the rest of their world, a place of stability and tradition. One of the disciples remarked about how big those buildings were, how imposing. Have you ever been on 17th Avenue in Denver or Wall Street in New York? Maybe you've had the chance to visit one of the great cathedrals in Europe or even some that have been built here in the United States. I think of one in Lincoln I was privileged to visit a number of years ago during the Nebraska constituting convention for the ELCA. I think it's called St. Paul's Methodist Church and it is an imposing, beautiful building with a dome, a huge balcony and a pipe organ to end all pipe organs. The organist has his/her own little fenced-in area enclosing all the keyboards and foot pedals that make the thing play. The pipes fill one whole wall of the sanctuary.

    Jesus asked that disciple a question in return. A startling question, and he made a frightening prediction. All the stones of those great buildings were going to be thrown down. Not one would be left on another. The permanence of those strongholds was going to be destroyed.

    Whoaw Momma! What is he saying? A bit later, when Jesus and the disciples had traveled out of Jerusalem a little way and were setting on the Mount of Olives, Peter, James, John and Andrew asked him when all this was going to happen. They wanted a deadline so they could be prepared, I suppose. They wanted to know what events would precede this great catastrophe so they could keep a sharp eye on the time they had left before it was too late.

    Jesus shocks them too. In effect he says he doesn't know, only God does. However, he said, there will be many who will come along to tell them what to watch for but these people will be false prophets, trying to lead them astray from what they have learned from him. They will point to catastrophes like pestilence, wars, famine, earthquakes and say those things are signs that the world is ending. But don't be alarmed, Jesus said. These things happen and they will continue to happen. They are but the beginnings of the birth pangs of the kingdom to come.

    When I was 10 years old and in Fifth Grade, my Sunday School teacher decided we should learn from the book of Revelation. Not a good choice if you ask me but I was a child and who asked me? She described in lurid detail how the tribulation would come; how we would all be tested and found wanting, how we would have the number 666 burned onto our foreheads and the palms of our hands because, being weak sinners, we would not be able to withstand the power of Satan during our testing. She succeeded far beyond her dreams in scaring hell out of me.

    Later, in high school, there was a popular evangelism story about the man who woke up one day to find his wife and family and some of his friends were gone, with no explanation. He, and others like him, those who had no faith and didn't go to church, who weren't saved, wandered about looking for the "good ones," the certain few who had accepted Jesus into their lives and were righteous, but their search was in vain. Then the trumpets sounded and all those left behind were lined up for judgment and thrown into a pit of fire to suffer endless torment when they were found wanting. While they were waiting in line, they got to watch as the dead righteous ones floated away to heaven, accompanied by the loved ones of those left behind who, apparently, had been waiting in the wings somewhere for the glorious sounds of Christ's return.

    While we were living in Las Vegas, where my husband was stationed at Nellis AFB, we heard rumors that there were people from southern California buying land in the desert surrounding the town. They were selling all their possessions and fleeing the "world" to be safe when the end came and California fell off into the ocean and Christ returned. Do you remember a few years ago when the world was supposed to end on a specific day in September at a certain time in the afternoon? There were people selling little booklets that told one what to watch for and how to prepare so one could survive the holocaust that was to come. What's more amazing to me is that there were people who bought the booklets.

    What about Jim Jones and Jonestown? What about David Koresh and Waco? What about the Heaven's Gate people in Los Angeles? What about God's grace and Jesus Christ? Where is the message of grace in all those predictions? Jesus said he will return and with him will come the institution of God's kingdom but no one, not even He, the Son, knows when it will be. In the meantime, there will be wars, and earthquakes and famine. There will be death, oppression, and poverty and the dashing of dreams, hopes and security. There will be evil around us but we are not to be afraid. God loves us and He is in control.

    What we must be doing is spreading that love, the gospel, through our loving actions and words, to those around us. Not because the work will, of itself, get us anywhere but because it is our response to God's loving grace. What we must remember is that we are not alone in this work. God is with us at all times. His light surrounds us and gives us strength and courage in dark places in our lives. If we give up trying to control God, trying to set limits for Him, trying to predict what he is going to do and when he is going to do it, then we are free to love Him and our neighbors as ourselves. We are free to enjoy this wonderful world he has given us to live in. We will have way more time to pray, to praise him and to tell him Thank You through our actions, words and the return of the gifts He has given us.

    In one resource I found for today there was part of a poem entitled "Faith" that seems to fit today's lesson. It seems to answer Jesus' statement about no stone being left upon another but not being alarmed about it. It has been paraphrased and the author is anonymous. When you have come to the edge of all that you know and are about to step off into the darkness, Know one of two things will happen— There will be something solid to stand on, or You will be taught to fly.

    Another bit of wisdom gleaned from the same source put it this way: I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year "Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown."

    And he replied, "Go out into the darkness and put thine hand into the hand of God. That shall be to thee better than light and safer than a known way."

    Jesus said this same thing so many ways and so many times. Keep awake. Be aware. Come to the light. Give up your burden and take my yoke upon you. Enfold yourself in my embrace. Trust in me. Obey my commands. Do not be anxious. Meditate on the Word. Seek first the kingdom of God. Understand what is happening. Number your days that you might get a heart of wisdom. If anything is good, anything excellent, anything worthy of praise — think on these things. Lo, I am with you to the end of the age. My peace be with you.

    Let's see now… We still have about five minutes left but remember, when Christ returns and the kingdom is ushered in, you will have eternity to enjoy all those things you told me you were thankful for, or that were most significant, in your lives so far, plus more than you can even imagine in the here and now. AMEN

    Read this feature from past issues.

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    Now Hear This

    A little bit in writing about what's happening at
    LadybugLive.com, MooseMeals.com, and TeenTalkNetwork.com

     

    Serious and Entertaining
    We have it all

    Teen Talk Radio, Audio, Webcasting, Web Casting

    Singing for Our Sons, Dancing for Our Daughters

        On NewVoices.com

    Teen host, Desireé Nelson, talks about serious subjects on her program "Words for the Heart and Soul." The soul part of the title is Desireé's mom, Linda Nelson, who joined her daughter as co-host about a year ago. Desireé is sometimes asked to speak about child abuse topics as this exceptional young woman is a vocal survivor. When she left for a conference recently, I asked her to send us a report. That report is our audio column this month and you can hear Desireé talk about the conference by clicking the audio link above and read what she has to say, below. ~Georgia Jones

     

    "Singing for our Sons, Dancing for our Daughters"
    Saturday, September 15, 2007
    San Diego Convention Center

     

    I was invited to attend the "Singing for our Sons, Dancing for our Daughters" convention/conference by a family friend who has been quite helpful in our legal battle against my biological father, whom my mom divorced when I was three years old. I was asked to speak about our legal case, which really was no big deal for me since I have made it a "life's mission," if you want to call it that, to fight against domestic violence, being a survivor myself.

    The evening consisted of performances - interpretive dance, hip hop, folk music, and edgy, alternative rock music - as well as speeches by various advocates and parents. I was one of the speakers - and I was shocked at MY emotion while I spoke, having done the same thing many times before. I spoke about the divorce - my mom divorced my biological father because he was abusive. The straw that broke the camel's back one night was when he tried to kill us. He locked us in the back bedroom of our second floor apartment and set the rest of the apartment on fire. That night my mom had had it.

    I then spoke of my mom's remarriage and our subsequent move to California, 3,000 miles away from the man who had abused my mom and I both. I spoke of the visitations, how every time I went I dreaded it, I feared it, and each time I came back I had become more and more violent and intolerable. I spoke of the one summer that we (by WE I mean my ENTIRE family) drove across the country for a visitation. My biological father refused to take me because he "could not afford" to have me around. So we were to wait for him for three weeks - at the local camp ground in our camping trailer. But my body did not last, and we had to turn around and come home so I could seek medical help.

    I spoke of therapy and the discovery of being sexually abused and having to overcome that. It was pretty much at this point when I was about ready to cry - overwhelmed at the compassion in the attendees' eyes, the understanding in various parents' faces, and the all out support I felt standing on that stage.

    I ended my speech with my actions to fight domestic violence - hosting a radio show to reach teens, doing an article in CosmoGIRL! magazine, and constantly seeking ways to help children and teens. I told the attendees that I wish to be a teacher because in the roughest times of my life, besides my immediate family, it was a few teachers who were there for me 110% of the time.

    I was moved by speaking up there, seeing all those faces, young and old alike, who knew what I was talking about because they had been there. The performers had performances for children, alive and dead, survivors and those still in abuse, and such a notion moved me to tears. By the time I got back to my seat, I was crying - mostly in sadness for the children who have endured and still do endure, but also in joy for those who support such a worthwhile cause. It was a truly amazing experience.

     

    If you are a writer and would like to become a NewVoices author or artist, contact:

    Georgia@ladybugbooks.com
    Please use the subject title: NewVoices Information

     

    Now Hear This     It's Not Your Same Old Radio!


    "There are people who have something to say and those who have something to sell. We are interested in the ones with something special to teach the world."


    For LadybugLive, TeenTalkNetwork, and MooseMeals to continue growing, we need correspondents and readers. The process is quite simple: submissions are by email. If accepted, a reader calls, either our local or our toll free number as directed in the acceptance email, to record. What will you be recording?

    We are looking for: readings of original creative work, comment and commentary, and ideas for regularly appearing programming that can be done within this format. We are not able, as yet, to do direct call in shows, but shows that require listener (delayed) response are OK. All of this, of course, within the same guidelines as everything we do: Of interest to women (no particular restrictions). This format might also be ideal for some of those traditional topics, such as clothing and makeup, with a fresh "twist."

    Send ideas and proposals to Georgia@ladybugbooks.com

    We strive to bring you the best in women's writing.

    And...

    Keep up to date on what is happening at NewVoices and LadybugFlights by signing up for our monthly newsletter:

    Join the LadybugLive/NewVoices mailing list
    Email:

    SIGN UP FOR OUR NEWSLETTER!

    We also offer our audio programs in downloadable MP3 format for offline listening, and at the same modest subscription price — With no unwanted advertising! We know online radio is new to many of you but we also know how rewarding it can be. So, if you need help to get started, don't hesitate to contact Georgia for help... And, hey! Our hosts love hearing from you!

    Our teen site, TeenTalkNetwork.com programming is safe — no porn or other unwanted promotions are attached to our files.

    The Internet promised and we are delivering.


    New programming is always available at:
    TeenTalkNetwork.com
    MooseMeals.com
    LadybugLive

    Read this feature from past issues.

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    Beatrice Spreadmoore's Financial World

     

    The Coming Demographic Transition

    Is a generational war inevitable?

    What demographics show is happening

    Over the next few decades, a number of factors are going to shape the U.S. economy and society. It is likely that no other factor will have as much effect as aging. In 2008, as the first of the Baby-Boom generation reaches the minimum age to begin receiving Social Security benefits. There will be 5 working-age people (between the ages of 20 and 64) for each person aged 65 and older, a ratio of 5/1. Those 65 and older will make up 12% of the population.

    These numbers are rapidly changing. Estimates project that by 2030 the ratio of those of working age to those 65 and older will have dropped from 5/1 to about 3/1. By that time, older Americans will make up about 19% of the population.

    This change in demographics is happing because of an increase in life expectancy and the lower birth rates for those following the Baby-Boom generation. Although birth rates are expected to stay at current levels for some time to come, life expectancy is projected to continue rising. Because of these factors the increase in the percent of the population aged 65 or older is not just the result of the retirement of the baby boomers. This means that the population will become progressively older and remain this way, even as the Baby-Boom generation dies off. Population aging is also occurring around the world. Many countries are aging more rapidly than the United States and have already begun to experience some of the social and economic impact.

    Longer, healthier lives can provide benefits for society as a whole. However, an aging population also creates some important challenges in how we consume, work, and save. The size of the impact will depend upon how we distribute the economic burdens to future generations. These challenges raise questions of intergenerational equity and economic balance.

    The demographic impact on the Federal budget

    Although demographic change will have a significant impact on the government’s budget, the most dramatic effects will be seen in the Social Security and Medicare programs, which provide income support and medical care for retirees and which have until now been funded largely on a pay-as-you-go basis.

    As the law stands today , spending on these two programs alone will increase from about 7% of the Gross Domestic Product (GDP) to nearly 13% of GDP by 2030 and to more than 15% of the nation’s output by 2050. Doubling in just 40 years. The outlook for Medicare is a serious issue because it must consider an increasing number of retirees and the expectation that Medicare's cost per beneficiary will continue to increase faster than per capita GDP and will result in a cost greater than today's cost of Social Security and Medicare together.

    These changes can not be avoided. As the population ages, we will be forced to choose among higher taxes, less non-entitlement spending, a reduction in outlays for entitlement programs, a sharply higher budget deficit, or some combination of these. To get an idea of the cost, suppose that we tried to finance estimated entitlement spending entirely by increases in revenue. The taxes collected by the government would have to increase from about 18% of GDP to about 24% of GDP in 2030, an increase of 1/3 in the tax burden for workers over the next 25 years. This type of increase would need to continue.

    The other way to handle this would be to cut the budget by approximately $700 billion in non-entitlement spending. In addition to tax increases, spending cuts, and reform of the entitlement programs, another answer to funding the cost of population aging would be to increase the federal budget deficit. There are significant economic costs and risks associated with these solutions and the burden would be shifted to future generations, making the possibility of a generational war something to consider.

    Looking at the big picture

    Discussing this problem in generational terms points out that the economic implications of the coming demographic transition goes well beyond today's considerations of economic policy. The aging of the population may lead to lower average living standards than those that would have occurred without this demographic change. How that burden of lower living standards is divided between present and the future generations is critical to the continued stability of our society With less workers contributing to the care of a growing number of those receiving benefits something must change.

    One way to invest in the future would be to create a budget surplus then invest this surplus in the private sector to create business savings for the future and make workers more productive. The down side of this plan might be excessive control, by the government, in the private sector. An aging population will reduce labor force participation, so the future direction of per capita consumption over time will fall. Alternatively, we could start consuming less and saving more, which would allow the consumption of future generations to be closer to what it would have been in the absence of population aging.

    The decisions that we make over the next decade will have a major impact on the living standards of our children and grandchildren. If we don’t soon begin to provide for the demographic transition in progress, the burden on future generations may be significantly greater and could cause the destruction of our society. The questions we will need to answer are: What responsibility do we have to future generations? What will be considered ethical and fair treatment of those generations, who are not here to speak for themselves?

    If we decide to pass the burden on to future generations then the children of the baby boomers are likely to face much higher tax rates. A large increase in tax rates will have adverse effects on a wide range of economic factors that effect our lives, including the motives that drive us to work and save. To avoid large tax increases, the government could decide to reduce non-entitlement spending in the future. However, this would likely have important social costs that we need to considered.

    Sharing the burden of aging

    If we accept the idea that the Baby-Boom generation should share at least some of the burden of population aging, what steps should we take? The most useful steps are likely to be those that encourage national saving. The most straightforward way to raise national saving is to reduce the government’s current and projected budget deficits. Reduced government borrowing allows more private saving to be used to purchase foreign assets, future U.S. output and income will grow and the future costs associated with demographic change would likely be smaller.

    Increasing private sector saving, for both businesses and individuals, is also a good idea. Corporate saving, in the form of retained earnings, is currently at relatively high levels, but individual saving rates are very low. Although participation in 401Ks and similar plans has helped, getting individuals to increase saving is very difficult. Steps we could take would be to devote resources to improving our K-12 education system, make community college access more available, increase on-the-job training, and stimulate research.

    We could take steps that encourage participation in the labor force, particularly among older workers. In the near term, increases in labor force participation would raise income; some of this income would be saved and would thus be available to augment the capital stock. In the long run, higher rates of labor force participation, particularly by those who would otherwise be in retirement, could help to offset the negative effect of population aging on the share of the population that is working. Next time you shop at Walmart look at the number of older employees. They typically work less hours eliminating the need for a benefit package, complain less, and do jobs younger workers would quickly tire of. In turn, perhaps we could make some simple changes such as changing the length of red lights so that older folks have time to cross the street and accelerate through an intersection as a way of encouraging them to participate more actively in society. Reform of our unsustainable entitlement programs should also be a priority. These reforms need to be implemented by our elected representatives.

    Final thoughts

    Over the next few decades, the U.S. population as a whole is going to grow significantly older, a development that will affect our society and our economics. In particular, the coming demographic transition will cause fiscal problems we can't ignore, as the cost of entitlement programs rise.

    From a broader economic perspective, the question is how the burden of an aging population is going to be shared between our generation and future generations. A failure on our part to prepare for demographic change will have adverse effects on the welfare of our children and grandchildren and on the long-run productive potential of the U.S. economy and could lead to a generational conflict.

    Field Trips

    "Is War Between Generations Inevitable?"

    Why we should change SSI

    World Assembly on Aging

    Trade Unions work to eliminate older workers - making room for the young

     

    Happy Trails, and keep your money under the bed!

    B.S.


    Read this feature from past issues.

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    Are you tired of being lied to? The purpose of this column is to try to sort the fact from the lies in consumerism, both on and off the Internet. If you find a product or company you would like to compliment or blast, please let us know and we will talk about them here.

    P.A.P.A. for Child Safety Online
    from Georgia Jones

    It is in the news more often than we like to think; some child has been duped by an online scam artist, too often for sexual exploitation. It is every parent's nightmare these days, but it is also something a lot of responsible people are paying attention to. There is help out there if you are concerned about a teen, or anyone using the Internet for social networking. We were recently contacted about a woman who has made Internet safety her concern. She is Suzanne Stanford and her website is www.MyInternetsafetyCoach.com/

     

    I have drafted proposed legislation, Parents Against Predators Act (P.A.P.A.)

    This will help make the Internet a safer environment for our youth.

    P.A.P.A. would federally mandate that all websites providing electronic communication to minor children (chats, multi-user gaming, social networking) would have their auto-responder cross reference against the National Sex Offender Registry when an individual attempts to subscribe to their service. If listed in this registry, that individual would be prohibited from that site's areas where children congregate.

    Given that most children have cell phones with cameras, video, and are Internet enabled, the risk to their safety needs more protection NOW than ever!

    A key concern of parents these days is that their child, while chatting online, is being lured by a pedophile/sex offender. Currently, there is no law in place preventing convicted sex offenders from engaging in electronic communication with minors.

    A key concern of parents these days is that their child, while chatting online, is being lured by a pedophile/sex offender. Currently, there is no law in place preventing convicted sex offenders from engaging in electronic communication with minors.

    As a parent, I find this outrageous and unacceptable! As an Internet safety expert and one who has received a Congressional Merit Award for the work I've done in this arena with and for children, I am moved to take action, but I need your help.

    Currently, P.A.P.A. is being reviewed by Members of Congress, from both chambers, Republicans and Democrats alike. But, I cannot get this legislation passed on my own. Our elected officials need to know this is something wanted by their constituents. I need everyone's help.

    The U.S. Customs Service estimates that there are more than 100,000 Web sites offering child pornography - which is illegal worldwide. Revenue estimates for the industry range from about $200 million to more than $1 billion per year. These unlawful sexual images can be purchased as easily as shopping at Amazon.com. "Subscribers" typically use credit cards to pay a monthly fee of between $30 and $50 to download photos and videos, or a one-time fee of a few dollars for single images. (Red Herring Magazine, 1/18/02)

    A 2006 report cited the child pornography business is estimated at $12 billion annually.

    As parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, teachers, or neighbors, we must all "step up to the plate" to protect our children from being lured and seduced on the Internet. Although responsible parenting is key to keeping our children safe in this environment, the reality is that we can't always be there looking over our children's shoulders. And while it is vital that our children learn safe and responsible Internet behavior to keep themselves safe, the reality is that pre-teens and teens are engaging in risky online behavior by posting inappropriate and sexually explicit photos of themselves online, as well as giving out personal identifying information. They have no idea what danger they are courting. Their youth gives them the false security that "nothing" will ever happen to them. They believe they are safe. If only that were true.

    Due to the anonymity component of the Internet, it is easy for sex offenders to hide behind a computer screen - trading "lurking in parks" to "trolling the Internet". Using the Internet is safer for them, given they are not allowed to be in areas where children congregate. This cyber playground provides them the environment to meet children "under cover".

    This legislation would remove that cover; provide less opportunity, and would help enforce existing restrictions as it pertains to being where children congregate.

    Unfortunately, P.A.P.A. won't keep all of these individuals from being where our children socialize or play games online, but at least convicted sex offenders whose names are on the National Sex Offender Registry will be excluded, thus creating a safer online community for our youth.

    This IS NOT a political issue. It is a necessary means to help protect minor children from convicted sex offenders who want to use websites catering to minor children for the sole purpose of contacting them via email, chats, social networks, and multi-user games. These individuals should NOT be in these areas!

    Protect the online safety of our children. Support P.A.P.A.!

     

    For more information and to make a donation:
    Organize a PAPA event for your community!

    Share your consumer experiences with us: Send us your story and we will print it here.

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    Books, Cooks, Looks & Ms. Elani
    Elani

    Dear Friends and Readers,

    An excellent story showing that a 'you can not tell a book by its cover'.

    The Life You Longed For
    by Maribeth Fischer
    ISBN 0743293282

    Elani

     

    Imagine for a moment that you have a sicky child, one that is likely to die within a year. Imagine the turmoil that your family is going through. Then the actual disease is given a name: mitochondrial disease, an illness that remains a mystery to modern medicine. Author Maribeth Fischer delves into this picture with one family in The Life You Longed For.

    Grace, the mother of Jack and with a background in medicine, is pulled into the world of this illness. She researched journals, interviewed doctors and looked for the best therapy for Jack. During her obsession with this hunt she stirred the interest of someone who believes that she is trying to hurt her son. Before she knows it a case has been opened against her by Child Protective Services and she is under attack as a possible candidate for yet another horrendous disease, Munchausen Syndrombe by Proxy. Grace appears to fit the profile, including friendly with staff, a rare and strange childhood disease, and over protective.
    The entire family, friends and hospital staff are torn apart by this accusation. To add to this potrayal of a young mother, Grace is also hiding a secret; she has begun an affair with her first love. She doubts the choices she has made and as the story unfolds, Grace must come face to face with the decisions that have put herself and her family in jeopordy.

    Long after the book is finished the readers will be left thinking of decisions made in his or her own life. An excellent story showing that a 'you can not tell a book by its cover'.

    Elani

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    YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE


    Good News/Bad News from NARL

    Recently the Senate voted to repeal the dangerous and divisive global gag rule by a vote of 53 to 41! It still has the Senate version befopre going to President Bush, who has already threatened to veto any bill that includes a pro-choice provision, including this one. That's you need to join in urging Congress to stand firm against Bush's global gag rule.


    Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on 'donating a mammogram' for free (pink window in the middle).

    This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising.

    Pass it along to people you know: www.TheBreastCancerSite.com


    Pregnancy-Related Deaths Among Hispanic, Asian/Pacific Islander, and American Indian/Alaska Native Women — United States, 1991-1997
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    From the EDITOR

    Living Texas Large

    The Bush Administration has recently discovered the Environment, but I have to wonder if they have stopped to ask how much of it is left.

    Living Large, bling bling, consumerism as ethics... What have we wrought in the name of more? We haven't really created more in the sense you may assume from such a statement. If your read Beatrice Spreadmoore this month you already know that our average incomes in the US have and are going down. Of course, a little belt tightening on a march toward plenty is not all that surprising, but "About half the modern world doesn't have the same basic amenities the ancient Romans took for granted." ~ Peter Gleick. So, where is this more of which I speak?

    Well, there is the question of that belt tightening, according to health statistics from the CDC the average American weighs about 10% more than in 2003. We are bigger than the Romans but this kind of growth can only be from enjoying the joys of Texas toast, or the average fast food meal which has grown faster than the fat American it feeds, 2 to 5 times since the 1980's. Our refrigerators have even gained 3 cubic feet since 1980. Theater seats and caskets are getting bigger—though, Lord knows, airplane seats aren't! Houses have grown to the point where the area per resident (893 square feet in 2003) is as large as the space for a typical household 70 years ago.

    There is more of more everywhere we look. The average American car, which was balking its way toward environmental correctness back in the 1970's gained 500 hundred pounds between 1996 and 2003, and is so big it is seldom purchased outside of the US where consumers cannot afford to pay for the car, the gas, or to make the roads big enough to accommodate such behemoths.

    We are acquiring more and holding onto it longer, The Self Storage Association reports an increase of 9 times for the number of their facilities since 1984. I guess that is a good thing, since throwing it away would be devastating. The average American already produces 4.5 pounds of sold waste per day and we are running out of "open space" to plant it all.

    Discovering the Environment is Texas large these days as well. No Congressional Committee gathered in the hallowed halls of legislation or on the steps of the Capitol to discuss the issue. No Town Hall Meetings were planned. A huge delegation of largely important people from around the world was invited to join the great Texan on September 27 and 28 in Washington to use big words with lots of gas and no power.

    We should all know about our Ecological Footprint.

    Georgia Jones, Editor

     

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    READERS REFLECT At LadybugFlights we have always encouraged the participation of our readers. For that reason we have this space, a place where you can be heard. Nothing as formal as an article or a column... Just some venting, self-expression, or a chance to communicate what you are thinking on almost any topic. Send it to us and we will let you know if we can use it!

     

    This is an Exceptional Woman we have told you about before, and we wanted to pass on the news:

    Dear Cynthia Bryant,
    Artists Embassy International appreciates your excellent work on behalf of the art of poetry with your illuminating web site: www.poetslane.com. Creating, sharing and extending information and knowledge of the poetry opportunities and all manner of informational events is an outreach of grand proportion which is much appreciated by Artists Embassy International, the Dancing Poetry Festival and the community of poetry in general. The ideal and mission of Artists Embassy International is to promote the arts which contribute to understanding and good will through the universal language of the arts. For your wonderful achievements and service to the poetry community, you have been nominated by our board for our Artists Embassy Award.

    We would like to honor you by presenting this award at our 14th annual Dancing Poetry Festival to be held Saturday, September 29, Noon to 4:00 p.m., at San Francisco's Palace of the Legion of Honor. Please call with any questions you might have about this event or any information that might be helpful: 510-235-0361 or email me at naticaaei@aol.com. Also please see our website: www.dancingpoetry.com.

    Congratulations. We highly appreciate your wonderful dedication and talents in poetic creativity.

    Sincerely
    Natica Angilly
    President, Artists Embassy International
    Sponsoring organization for
    The Dancing Poetry Festival

     

    You can find out more at Poets Lane and get updates on all of these activities:

    New page on Poet's Lane called Write Up; HAVE A New book out, published a poem or an article, won a contest; send me your good news! PoetsLane@comcast.net

    Poems from Headlines, we provide a headline and you send your poem for that headline "GENERAL BETRAYS US" PoetsLane@comcast.net

    Poet's Lane is looking for Themed Poetry for October-Tribute to American Indians, Rainy Days & Talking to the Dead, (Pick one or many to write about and check out the new poems) send to PoetsLane@comcast.net

    If you need to rant in a poem about the injustices of life, send me a poem for Off Your Chest (mental health poetry) page

    NEW Question for Telling! "What poem was the first one that you would have given anything to have written it?" Send your answers to PoetsLane@comcast.net

    What the Hell is for your war poems/essays send to PoetsLane@comcast.net

    Picture Prompted Poetry. Poet's Lane has a NEW picture to write a poem about or write to one of the other pictures still up on that page and send it to PoetsLane@comcast.net and I will post the poem for you. (See the new poems there) Be sure and let me know which picture the poem is written about.

    Poetry/Book Festivals please send me your pertinent information and I will put it on the Events page of www.poetslane.com Check out what is listed and coming up this year.

    I am listing annual writing contests on the new Annual Contests page, if you have one coming up please send the information to PoetsLane@comcast.net and I will post it on www.poetslane.com for you.

    Put your face and name up with other rising poets and writers on In the Know. Send your bio, picture and contact information to PoetsLane@comcast.net and add to your chances of getting to be known for what you do.

    If you have a writers/poets journal, an organization, a venue for publishing or presenting to the public poets or writers then add your information to Links by sending it to me at PoetsLane@comcast.net and tell me what page it is for and you will be added.

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