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THE SILENT CURTAIN
from Georgia Jones

Now that I think about it, it's a lot like the Cold War. You know, where two great powers turn a cold shoulder to one another instead of facing off. Their animosity can be felt in the straight line of backs that resolutely protect an inner soft part kept safely away. This doesn't mean they won't harden at any moment, like that hard shell ice cream topping that turns solid over the soft center, and turn weapons of mass destruction on each other. No, it doesn't mean there is peace.
That's how it is with this curtain of silence. It isn't real any more than the Cold War was a real war, but it keeps us apart. There are things that need to be said, little things like "come to dinner" and bigger things like "how's it going with you?" Words can't get past the boarder guards of those cold shoulders. Words don't get said. It is frustrating.
Frustration, now that I think about it, is a close cousin to anger. I am really angry. I scream. It doesn't work. The silence remains. Communication has not taken place.
You sit there, on the other side of that wall, ignoring me. Back turned slightly toward the doorway, in the direction of any potential assault upon your silence. Like a big bear demanding the protection of its den, you sit. There are things that need to be said.
Hesitating for only another moment, I peel aside the jangle of your music. Clattering against my ears it crashes and parts like beaded curtains reflecting blinding splinters as silence becomes tangible. "How are you doin'?" I whisper.

Read this feature from past issues.

Gastric Bypass Surgery
from Edythe Oliveto-Oates

This subject is very personal for me. I had gastric bypass surgery in March 2007. It has changed my life in many ways. Some have been good, even great, but some have not. I have chosen to write this article because I thought I had a perspective worth sharing and I hope that you agree… Not necessarily with my perspective but that my sharing it was worthwhile.
According to statistics I have been given by my clinic, at least 70 million Americans are obese; 5% of all adults in this country are morbidly obese. Morbid Obesity occurs when a person weighs at least twice their ideal body weight or is at least 100 pounds more than the ideal weight. Please remember that healthy weight is based on charts that I have seen, with little or no change, since the 1950's.
Every year obesity causes at least 300,000 excess deaths in this country. I'm not sure what an excess death is but that is the statistic. Obesity is measured by a Body Mass Index (BMI). The BMI is a universal calculation based on height and weight. A person of "normal" weight (again based on that chart I mentioned) has a BMI of 20-25. A person is obese when their BMI is 30, and a person is "morbidly obese" with a BMI of 40. (Mine was 45.) If you want to know what your BMI is just ask your doctor—they have that chart that will tell you.
Personally, I lived over 50 years being blissfully ignorant of the existence of this measure and I can't say that knowledge made me any happier or any better informed. I believed that I was heavy, probably fat but I was not unhappy or unhealthy. For the most part I didn't allow my weight to limit anything that I wanted to do. The amount of excess weight MAY reduce your life expectancy and is associated with increased risk for conditions such as: diabetes, high blood pressure, asthma heart disease, sleep disorders, joint pain, infertility, elevated cholesterol, etc.
I had very high blood pressure that was difficult to control. It was becoming more difficult to control as I gained weight. What was important to me was that my size limited by ability to fully participate with my family and it was uncomfortable on airplanes. On several occasions I had to request a seat belt extension and that was embarrassing not to mention that the tray table would not go all of the way down flat and sitting in the middle or by the window I felt like the sardine in a can!
When I went to the water park with my grandchildren and I had to sit in front on the rides due to my size and they really wanted to sit there (It's like calling for shotgun position for a ride.) I knew I had to make a change. I had to admit that my weight was beginning to interfere with doing the things I wanted to do. To me it was the little things that I wanted to live long enough and healthy enough to enjoy, so I vowed to live as healthy as I could for as long as I live.
Weight loss programs had not offered me true life style changes so I had numerous discussions with my primary care doctor for at least a year before I finally decided to investigate a surgical option. I have to admit he was very supportive and objective and urged me to investigate all of my options.

And now the general facts:
There is a lot being said and written about gastric bypass and lap bands these days, but you will want the facts, all of the facts, before you consider this procedure.
The first weight loss surgery was done in the 1950's. Much has changed since then. Currently, there are three types of weight loss surgery, but I am only going to mention the Lap-Band and then discuss the Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass, which I had. The "Lap Band" is a restrictive procedure which means it reduces the volume that the stomach can hold. In this surgery an adjustable hollow silastic band that is filled with saline is placed around the upper part of the stomach to create a small stomach pouch, about ½ ounce in size. Food passes slowly through the small outlet created by the Lap-Band. The stomach and intestine are not permanently altered. The band can be removed. Generally people lose about 50% of their excess weight with this method.
The Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass surgery, as I understand it is currently the most common surgery. It is an operation that reduces the volume of the stomach and shortens the digestive tract. The stomach is divided to make a small stomach pouch that is about ½ ounce in size (about the size of your thumb). The normal stomach is about the size of two fists and can hold 6-8 cups of food. The remainder of the stomach is left in place. The small intestine is divided 8-20 inches below the stomach. A segment of the small intestine is attached to the small stomach pouch. The bypassed portion of the intestine is joined to the segment attached to the small stomach pouch. The opening to the small intestine from the stomach is also made very small so that you feel "full" after eating a small amount of food.
The Roux-en-Y is considered the "gold standard" of weight loss surgery. Studies indicate that patients will lose, and keep off, about 70% of their excess weight following this operation.
There are many complications that can happen as a result of the surgery so make sure that you talk to the doctors and nurses. I am experiencing what is called ."Stenosis" of the connection between the stomach and intestine. Scar tissue has formed during the healing process and it is difficult to eat solid food. According to the information from my surgeon this occurs in about 3% of their patients. This is a pretty small amount considering the number of patients they have. Of course that doesn't make me any happier! Fortunately it is fixable and I'm currently undergoing treatment which I believe will make things better but it is not much fun. This is one of the down sides I mentioned in the beginning of the article. Always remember that anytime you have surgery you are taking a huge risk with your life so make sure you have weighed all of the options. This is not a quick easy fix!
This operation is a successful way to lose weight but the work starts after the surgery. If you manage food and exercise (exercise is essential for your success!) the rest of your life you will be successful for the long term. Most of us who consider doing something this extreme have gained and lost weight many times over the years. We have tried every fad diet and pill that has been put on the market and every time been frustrated by not loosing anything but the money invested or losing only to gain it back and in many cases we gain what we lost and more. I know I did!
I have been very lucky with my surgery and have lost 100% of the weight I wanted to lose and more. I weighed 297 pounds when I decided to take this leap. I currently weigh 148 and my BMI is 23. I went to the initial informational session and waited over a month before I began the process.
Even the day of surgery, as I lay there in my blue cap with IV's attached, I thought maybe I would wake up and they would tell me that they changed their minds and didn't perform the procedure. That didn't happen. Having doubts and second thoughts are normal, but you must be committed to the life changes that are necessary or don't waste your time and money. I can not stress enough that this surgery is not a fix it is a tool and just like any other tool it is only as good as the person using it and that person is you!
I still have high blood pressure—genetics play a role in all of this—but it is more easily controlled. I was taking 3 different medications to control it and now I take 1 ½ and we are working on doing away with the half. I believe that I have significantly reduced my risk of becoming diabetic which is another major illness that I am genetically prone to, and my joints are very happy. I can sit in airplane seats without problems and ride the water park rides with my grandchildren. I am having fun and plan on continuing as long as I can.

Edythe Oliveto-Oates is a 50+ years old single woman, the younger of two children; a professional housing developer who has worked for the City of Minneapolis, Minnesota, for 20 years in that capacity. More importantly, she is a poet, mother, grandmother, and a survivor of domestic abuse.

Read this feature from past issues.

Tina is back in the Algrave and we wish her the best. She will return, but while she is away we will be enteraining guest columnist Richard Kuhns who is always generous with his information.

Lose Weight With Smart Thinking
Richard Kuhns B.S.Ch.E.

You can lose weight by thinking smart. That's to say that there is non productive ineffective thinking. In fact much of how you think can actually keep you from losing weight.
Truth is that we can hypnotize ourselves into losing weight and we can hypnotize ourselves into staying heavy or actually gaining weight.
What you say to yourself is important. There are seven basic rules of thumb:
1. Say you want to stop eating so much, it's important to avoid using a negative—a "not"—in your thinking (suggestion) such as "I am not going to eat chocolate." The reason being is that the brain skips over "nots". To experience this first hand, if you are in a situation where you can stand, please do so and do the following. Alright, are you standing? The next instruction is "Please do not stand!" Did you sit immediately or were you somewhat confused thinking something like, "He just asked me to stand and now I'm supposed to do what??"
The truth is that the brain skips over the "not," and unless I had put you in a situation for you to question it, you would have continued to stand. This is why when you say, "I am not going to eat chocolate," the brain interprets it as "I am going to eat chocolate."
2. Avoid using "not" in the past tense. For instance, you'll find that with technique such as self hypnosis you'll lose weight. Avoid then thinking, "I don't eat chocolate any more." either consciously or as a self hypnotic suggestion. Even though at that moment you feel accomplished, it becomes like boomerang and for a while you'll be free of chocolate and then the habit of eating chocolate will return just as a boomerang returns.
3. Likewise avoid using "try." Avoid saying, "I'm trying to lose weight." Trying indicates that you didn't succeed—you tried but just didn't make it.
4. Avoid the phrase, "going to" as in I'm going to lose weight. If someone tells you that he/she is going to come visit you, what is the first thing you want to know? When, right? The word "going" causes anxiety which stands in the way of success. I'm going when? tomorrow? next week, next month, next year?
5. "Giving up" and "Doing Without"—avoid using both. Giving up is means the same as not being able to "cut the mustard," or "make the grade." "Doing without," is synonymous with being a bad girl or boy and made to go to bed without desert.
6. Avoid suggestions such as "I am less anxious." This suggestion will have you focus on being "anxious" and keep you in that frame of mind.
7. Also avoid suggestions with "I have to lose weight" or "I must lose weight" or "I got to quit eating chocolate." Psychologist find that when their patients think in those terms, they become more anxious and irritable which actually reduces their IQ making it more difficult to achieve their goals.

If you want to lose weight, in addition to many of the above problem suggestions, there are several others:
1. "I'm so hungry I could eat a house or horse." First, hungry is a powerful word that only results in empty feelings. Secondly a house or horse is a pretty big item.
2."I'll start my diet tomorrow." The word diet is "die" with a "t" on the end of it. It means starvation.
3. "I'll eat today and starve tomorrow." If you knew that you were going to starve tomorrow, what would you do today? Eat, right?
4. "I quit eating so much." The word quit is again a problem since elementary school. Afterall, do you want to be a quitter? Even though you consciously know how you are applying the word "quit eating so much," unconsciously it's connected to being a quitter. So why use the word "quit"—especially when so many other far more powerful words and phrases can be used?
5. "I'm losing weight." No one wants to be a loser. This is ingrained in each of us since elementary or preschool. So why use it in your thinking. Additionally you're taught that if you lose something you want to find it, so if you lose ten pounds and someone points that out to you what do you have to do? Find it, right?

Breaking Free From Emotional Eating to Lose Weight
Breaking free from emotional eating is to start by under-standing that the brain has two built in directives: pleasure seeking and survival. Which one influences our eating behavior? Both!

The Pleasure-Seeking Program
First, how many holidays have you celebrated since you were a child? Add to that the birthdays and other special occasions, such as weddings and anniversaries, and you may total between eight and fifteen per year. All of these occasions brought with them friends, relatives, attention, love, warmth, and what else? You got it—wall to wall food!
What happened when you ate your peas or cleaned your room? You were rewarded with what? Dessert! Or Daddy would pack up the family on Sunday and take you where? Dairy Queen?
Little wonder your brain often says, "Eat, you'll feel better; be nice to yourself; it tastes good; you deserve it."

The Survival Program
When you were a baby and you cried, for most any reason, what was the answer? The bottle, right? Anytime you were frustrated or upset, the bottle was there. The result was that you learned an early association with food and frustration. And when you ate your baby food, especially peas and carrots, you were rewarded with kudos and related food with pleasurable feelings.
Later when you were a toddler, maybe you made an over-ture toward another little boy or girl and were rejected, or you lost or broke a toy, or the teacher yelled at you because you didn't have your homework, or you didn't have a date for the first dance, or some other calamity happened, and you ran home crying, "Mommy, Mommy, the world's coming to an end." And what did Mommy say? "Come have some milk and cookies. You'll feel better in a little while." Sure enough, a little while later you felt better. All this time you have thought it was the cookies and milk, when it was really just the passing of time. No wonder your brain often says, "Eat, you've had a rough day," or "Eat, you got a lot done today," or "Given all the bull you've put up with today, you deserve something," or "Eat. If you don't, it'll get thrown away and you'll be wasting money," or "Eat. Be nice to yourself and treat yourself to some-thing good!"

The Result
For many years this was OK. Then at some point you discovered that you had a weight problem. At what age? Seven, fifteen, thirty-five? The age is irrelevant. The first five or six years of your life are the most formative. By the time you realized you had a weight problem, you had already been perfectly conditioned to eat in response to pleasure and/or survival.
Little wonder then when you feel frustrated, upset, down, rejected, happy, glad, bored, excited... your brain suggests having something to eat. It's simply the program.
It would seem obvious that all we need do to eliminate emotional eating--stop overeating is to be aware of our emotions and correct the program.
However, because most of us have been trained to deny our feelings, the brain doesn't say, "Eat, you're happy." It says, "Eat because it looks good." Even when we're bored, the brain doesn't say, "eat because you're bored;" it says, "eat because it would taste good," or "eat because there's nothing else to do."
Because of this, the emphasis is on having an eating problem as opposed to a problem handling emotions which by the way are a reaction to our various stressors in life. The irony though is that our emotional reactions to stress become stressors in themselves and this is because of our limited experiences in managing emotions. The goal to breaking free from emotional eating is to learn to acknowledge emotions as they are felt—end eating emotional—stop diluting emotions with food.
A progressive approach to losing weight involves asking questions "What is missing here? Why are people not getting the results they are promised? It is clearly insane to keep using the same techniques when the results are so poor. It's more important to gain a grasp on breaking free from emotional eating than it is to read the scale. Besides focusing on the scale doesn't empower you to be a better more enlightened person, whereas results are there by learning about emotional eating. Stop emotional eating empowers you in all aspects of your life.
Eating emotional feelings is the largest contributing cause to being overweight. The true way to success is to conquer emotional eating. Yet, decades of approaching the weight problem with diets (an awareness technique) has most overeaters hypnotized into believing that they really have an eating problem. Yes, while those who are overweight definitely would agree that they have an eating problem or a food problem, the truth is that overeating is only a symptom.

Let's analyze. If you have a weight problem, take the following quiz.
What do you often do when you feel:
frustrated? bored? happy? excited? upset? depressed? unhappy? angry? like rewarding yourself?
If your answer is "eat" in response to one or more of these questions, you are an emotional eater. Yet, very few focus on emotions, most focus on the habit of eating. Eating is only a symptom of one's inability to manage certain emotions.
The truth is that overeaters use food to dilute various emotions. You're bored and there's nothing to do so you eat. You got a lot accomplished so you eat to reward yourself. You're happy being with your friends so you eat to celebrate a good time. You're angry or upset about something so you eat to sooth yourself.
You are stressed and under pressure so you eat to relieve the stress and pressure.
And then there are other emotions such as confusion, depression... that food is also used to dilute those emotions and feelings. It doesn't matter whether the emotions are good or bad feelings.
Yet, most of us have no idea how to take the emotions straight and leave food out of the process.
It's more important to gain a grasp on how to deal with emotions than it is to read the scale. Focusing on the scale can be very disheartening. Sometimes you might actually think that the scale is in a conspiracy against you for when you know that you've been controlling your food intake and should have lost weight, the scale actually shows a slight gain in weight.
Besides focusing on the scale doesn't empower you to be a better more enlightened person, whereas learning about how to manage and handle emotions empowers you in all aspects of your life.
Let's begin with an understanding of where emotions originate. Our ability to experience emotions come from the limbic brain which is the first part of the brain to have developed. The rational thinking reticular portion of the brain came much later as language was developed.
Generally there is a similar characteristic that is the same in all of us which determines what emotion we feel at any given time. And that is our expectations.
Whether we know it or not, each of us are a walking set of expectations. As things develop during our day as we expect them to we are likely to feel happy, fulfilled, excited, joyful... and as things develop contrary to our desires we are likely to feel upset, frustrated, angry, bored, confused...
Back in the 60's with the advent of biofeedback, many studied the possibility of controlling our emotions through the use of brain wave biofeedback. It turned out to be an impractical goal and what we actually learned is that when we try to control something we are actually giving power to it over us.
Ultimately, a more realistic goal is to learn how to feel and embrace the emotion. For when we stop resisting emotion (and that's what we do when we eat) and allow ourselves to truly feel the emotion it disappears along with any needs to dilute the emotion with food. We stop eating emotional feelings.
A progressive approach to losing weight involves asking questions "What is missing here? Why are people not getting the results they are promised? It is clearly insane to keep using the same weight loss techniques when the results are so poor. It's more important to gain a grasp on conquering emotional eating than it is to read the scale. Besides focusing on the scale doesn't empower you to be a better more enlightened person, whereas learning about how to handle emotional eating empowers you in all aspects of your life and you'll find that what you really want to eat is far more nutritious and less in quantity than ever before imagined.
Stop emotional eating by understanding the difference between eating out of habit and eating emotional stress. Yes, at any given time you can be eating from habit or eating from emotion. How can you tell the difference? And what is habitual eating?
Habitual eating is the habit of being at a certain place or time and eating. For instance, stopping by a Dunkin Doughnuts on the way to work every morning. Or coming home every afternoon, walking in the front door, through the living room, into the kitchen, and opening the refrigerator.
The best technique to handle eating out of habit is awareness techniques. And quite frankly, for most of history, overeating has been approached strictly from the habitual. The techniques to handle eating out of habit are awareness techniques which could be any of the following:
Diets
Putting forks down between bites
Counting Calories
Equivalents
Take a deep breadth before eating

Quite frankly, if we were only habitual eaters, this is all that we'd need. However, none of the awareness techniques address eating emotional stress which is the reason why everyone who uses them experiences some weight loss and eventually gains it all back.
Only recently are we becoming aware of the eating emotional stress component which requires a completely different approach. Back to the main question, how do you tell whether you are a habitual or an emotional eater at any given time? The answer is not totally clear by one's behavior. Thus the most effective means of handling excessive eating is to go through a quick process of elimination.
First, it's best to simply assume that it's habitual and treat it accordingly. An awareness technique I suggest using is a shift in thinking (cognition) requiring no more than a few seconds. If it is indeed habitual, with the shift in thinking, the food is left there and food is forgotten. If on the other hand the shift in thinking results in temptation to follow through and eat, then it is clearly eating emotional.
Overcoming emotional eating is to learn to embrace the context of the emotion and stop diluting it with food. It's to first of all acknowledge the specific emotion—no need to justify it or judge it--just notice the emotion and introduce the option of choice. And that is to take the emotion straight or to dilute it with food.
Now here comes the critical part. Being new to the concept of embracing emotion, it's normal for the individual to continue diluting the emotion with food. The goal is to move to a loving of self from which there is total acceptance (a building of self worth) at which point, the individual is able to say, "I have stopped diluting the feeling of (whatever). I may be uncertain as to how to handle the situation, one thing I know is that I have stopped diluting my feelings." And this is done one day at a time.
In fact, those who acquaint themselves with the relationship between food and emotions can never cheat again—it's simply no longer in the vocabulary.
A progressive approach to losing weight involves asking important questions "What is missing here? Why are you not getting the results you've been promised?" It is clearly insane to keep dieting and using techniques to deal with the habit of eating when the results are so poor. It's more important to gain a grasp on how to stop emotional eating--eating emotional stress than it is to read the scale.
Besides focusing on the scale doesn't empower you to be a better more enlightened person, whereas learning how to overcome emotional eating empowers you in all aspects of your life. If you're a sales person, you'll be a better sales person. If you're an assembly line worker, you'll be a better assembly line worker. Overall, you'll build self worth and find that what you really want to eat is far more nutritious and less in quantity than you ever before imagined possible.

Next month we continue with Control Eating Habits

Richard Kuhns B.S.Ch.E. NGH Certified is one of the few engineers who has traversed the physical to the mental universe. He operated the Biofeedback Center of NJ and Hypnosis Consultants for nearly twenty years during which time he conducted stress management programs for corporations such as AT&T and IFF. He appeared on various radio and TV shows such as the Arlene Francis WOR radio show, Joe Franklin…
His website www.dstressdoc.com has programs using stress management and hypnotic techniques for self improvement. His other site (www.PanicBusters.com) is focused for the professional wanting to dramatically improve success in the treatment of panic/anxiety and agoraphobia.

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Listen to Tina on "BLue Lips" at LadybugLive and...
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A Seismograph On Your Desk

Some of the people here in Kansas City felt the recent earthquake centered in Mt. Carmel, Illinois on April 18. Although earthquakes are often considered to occur mostly along the West Coast, they really can show up almost anywhere.
I recently attended a lecture at the Linda Hall Library titled "Earthquakes, Tsunamis and a Modern Journey to the Center of the Earth". Professor Michael Wysession clearly presented fascinating information about those natural phenomena and their consequences and what we know about them. Since we cannot see into the earth at all directly, the vibrations and reverberations of this planet give geologists clues about what the planet looks like underground. "The ground beneath our feet is in constant motion" he said. Seismographs are a major tool for recording and studying this motion. In an aside, he mentioned a tool for the interested laptop user.
If you have a Macbook or Macbook Pro, you are in luck. These laptops have sudden motion sensors which keep track of the orientation of the laptop in space. The purpose of this feature is to help the hard disk park itself safely in case the computer falls. To see a fun program demonstrating the sensitivity of a MacBook to orientation check the link on YouTube.
Daniel Griscomb found another use for these sensors. His free program SeisMac, turns the computer into a functioning seismograph. It records movement of the laptop in scrolling graphs. Placed on the body, it shows the heartbeat. Place near some construction, watch the ground shake. And to be useful for earthquakes, he has also written SeisMaCalibrate to calibrate the tool.
I could not find anything for the PC yet, but I am sure it is coming. Meanwhile, if I get a computer soon, I will certainly look at the newest MacBooks. After all, when the next quake rattles Kansas City, it will be great to be able to say "Yes, it really happened. I saw it on my computer!"

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The Value of a Dollar Store

We made our second annual trip to the dollar store for my Mother's Day gifts. It is a perfect place to take the kids as it offers everything for moms at a $1 price. The kids can pick and choose and this year, Emily participated in all of her two-year-old glory. Joel was disappointed that there was no jewelry for him to pick from. He recovered quickly and moved on to creating a full-blown theme complete with leis, tropical plates, and matching napkins.
Emily wanted me to have candy, nail polish, and lip gloss mainly because I would be sharing with her on Mother's Day. She chose my cards based on her likes again because they had butterflies on them. After choosing a pink basket and matching pink bag (all in her favorite color), her shopping was basically done. She didn't understand the semi-secretive format of the shopping trip and kept asking me if "you like pink too?" and "you like pink nails too?" She was particularly pleased because she got to carry her own basket full of goodies which included a few princess and Dora items.
Joel's shopping was a little more intense as he was on the hunt for a cookbook and things to make my skin soft. After finding both of those things, he moved on to floral notepads and matching pens plus a pair of pink flip-flops since "you love shoes and need ones". He did snag some workbooks and a pair of camoflauge thongs for himself. He maintained as much secrecy as he could with my card and a mysterious art project requiring large pieces of poster board, stickers, markers, and tape.
They were both extremely pleased with themselves at the register when they unloaded the baskets onto the conveyor belt. It was overall a very fruitful trip. On Mother's Day, they'll make me frozen waffles with red hots and chocolate chips and whatever else they can find with Daddy's help. Then, they will present me with my presents with great fanfare and speed.
In other news, Joel's secrecy with cards continued to his school. He had to write a card to his teachers. I helped him along with written suggestions but the interior of the cards were a secret, per him and the quickly sealed envelopes. I saw the librarian today and she chuckled while she showed me his card. It read "thank you for teasing me about books and reading". She knew he meant "teaching" but was actually happier with the totally childlike wording and spelling of the card. He was the only child who got the spelling of her name right.
On Mother's Day, I'll receive my own cards with scribbles from Emily and a heartfelt notation from Joel. The bags will be pink. The gifts will be dollar store purchases but I will feel as if the bags came straight from Tiffany. The contents and the givers mean far more than the gifts themselves. I actually do need a new pair of sandals for the pool and my toenails (and Emily's) will definitely be pink. The best gift will be the hugs and kisses I get over my toaster waffles.

Happy Mother's Day

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For Mother's Day Give Mom the Gift of Gab

If there is one thing that drives a mother crazy with a capital CRAZE, it is that kids expect an answer to everything. Even comments as simple as "the sun is shining" seem to require some sort of response. To prove my point, I once wrote down an actual conversation my three-year-old had with me which I think points out perfectly just how far out of hand things get when a mother doesn't respond as expected. I have recorded this soliloquy - if for no other reason -than to use as exhibit A in my competency hearing.
"Mommy I want to play with those blocks up there. Can you get them down? I want to play with those blocks in the living room. Can you get them in the living room? Mommy can you? Can you? Can you? One for Mommy, one for Jackie, one for me, one for Daddy, one for me. Mommy how come all these blocks are here? Can you count them? One two three four five six! Mommy, why are all these blocks here? Mommy can you take them in the living room? (Repeat ten times.) Can you? Can you? Can you?"
Right about now a mother is either 1) wondering how to tap into the geothermal energy coming out her ears or 2) has become two personalities richer than she was this morning. It is for this reason that I have developed a list of answers guaranteed to make any mom look like The World's Greatest Mother to her children while simultaneously allowing herself a mental life of her own. Instructions: Memorize the following phrases and use individually or combine as needed to satisfy your children's questions or comments.
"That's impossible! They've all gone to Mexico for the winter." ?"
This phrase is perfect for children who can't sleep because they're afraid there is a (pick one) fly, bee, spider, wild animal, monster or grandparent in the closet.
"Well it's OK with me, but just remember what happened to Uncle Fred." ?"
This phrase works well in any type of hygiene situation, for example, when kids won't take a bath, brush their teeth or change their underwear.
"Do you want to be as flat as this?"
(Hold up something flat in conjunction with this, I find a tortilla works well.) This is an excellent pat answer when children ask if they can (pick one) cross the street, play in the street, ride their bikes in the street, or run along beside the steamroller.
"Because of supercalafragilisticexpediotious!"
Use this explanation any time children ask about science, math or where babies come from.
"On August 1, 2032 at precisely 3:40 p.m."
Use this whenever children use sentences containing the word "when."
"I didn't' become a parent to win a popularity contest."
An excellent comeback when children say (pick one) "you're mean" or "you make me sick" or the ever popular "I hate you."
"Because if God would have wanted you to have that you would have been born with a Silver Mastercard in your mouth."
Repeat this every 15 minutes whether you need to or not.

Blog with Linda! ~ Read her thoughts on "My Empty Nest" at www.OverTheGardenFence.com
Linda has joined the lineup of ejoyable programming at LadybugLive.com. Listen to "Shut the Hell Up Girlfriend." And, did you know: Linda Vernona was a Grand Prize Winner of Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest.

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THIS MONTH:

Poetry Corner

Feelings
If I had to choose one without the other compassion seems the more enduring, humane and understanding might generate again once love's passion has fled senses quickened to the call reloading once too often dulled by waning passion the trigger not so keen false turns to ennui and apathy or worse yet might turn to contempt but true returns, with compassion Calm Of Harmony
I wish you would, hide me under your pillow in the warm crevices of your being to wait to serve and sing for always
Shimon Weinroth

If you were engaged by Shimon's poem listen to his MooseMeals.com program The View From Anywhere. If you would like to chime in, go listen and send him your comments!

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Shimon Weinroth
If Our Lives Depend on it



We are serializing Flying Lessons for Butterflies by Sheila Whitman. Sheila Whitman is a Professional Counselor and Life Coach, with a private practice in CT. She has done agency counseling with pregnant and postpartum women, and coordinated a residence for women and children in a domestic violence program. Sheila strives to nurture the potential of her clients, and understands that past or current abuse is incredibly detrimental to this goal of self-actualization. The lessons contained in this book invite the reader to challenge old beliefs, and make concrete changes in self-esteem and creative risk taking. Emphasis is on strategies for altering perceptions and behaviors that may have been distorted during childhood, and the development of a healthy integration of mind, body, and soul. The underlying message is that every individual has great value and can eventually soar to discover his or her best self. Sheila completed her B.S. at Temple University and M.S. at Southern CT State University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Connecticut and a Registered Professional Counselor in California.
Information about Sheila Whitman's counseling and life coaching can be found on the web site http://www.counselorlifecoach.com/.



Flying Lessons For BUTTERFLIES
How to free yourself from the effects of abuse

Chapter 3
HEALING EMOTIONAL ABANDONMENT

Lesson 1 - Unconditional love
Unconditional love is air, water, and food to a child's spirit. It is the psychological yeast that allows a child to develop inborn abilities, strengths, and proclivities. Unconditional love opens the door to experimentation, on the path to becoming a whole person. Most of all, it teaches the child that he or she is precious and deserving of parental love, even when behavior is not. A child's actions can be corrected, but the personal essence should not be undermined. To reject or demean a child is to erode the mind, soul, and hope of a human being.
Unfortunately, this ideal, which is well accepted by mental health experts and educators, and is woven into cultural and religious philosophies, is out of reach for too many children. A family that practices derision, or habitually describes its children in negative or embarrassing terms, may believe that these are clever quips, with no lasting impact. In truth, the cuts go deep into the confidence of a child, each time reducing the energy to fulfill his or her potential.
This effect can be noticed even in young children. One child may speak openly, be physically relaxed, and play with abandon. An abused child may look more like a nervous cat: checking for reactions, saying little, and taking few risks. The latter child, with the approach of teen years, may swing toward acting out, substance abuse, possible irritability and/or depression, and may even attempt suicide.
The individual spirit is both fragile and tenacious, in its susceptibility to damage when young, and its desire to survive and express itself in maturity. With adequate safety and support, tenacity gives energy to growth and manifestation. But the child who is emotionally compromised by caregivers, becomes an adult without the essential skills and armor. These people have much to learn, about the origin of their feelings, and techniques for self-parenting themselves into strong, loving, and loved human beings. This is an obligation of parents, but when they fail, the individual becomes the guardian of his or her personal education, strengthening, and healing.

Lesson 2 - Learn what a typical family is really like
What did you miss and what do you only think you missed? So often, I speak with clients who were estranged from or mistreated by their parents, and who don't know what normal parents should be. Frequently, they have adopted idealized role models and think that every other child lived in that manner. They may have constructed impossible expectations and feel fairly deprived. These children grew up hungry for love, approval, and stability. Even as adults, the sight of children who are having fun with their parents makes them sad and angry, and some become very distressed by encounters with this relationship that they never had. These are normal feelings. To mourn what was lost is to love the child within, and appreciate that he or she deserved more. There is nothing inherently wrong with being upset or unhappy, but it helps to be able to express these feelings, rather than allow them take over. It may be best to share these thoughts with someone who understands their depth and will not underestimate them.
What is a healthy family? It includes at least one parent or caregiver, who provides not only the physical necessities, but emotional nurturing, as well. This is neither overprotective nor rejecting, but a source of guidance for the child's pursuit of interests, talents, and personality. There should be a mix of love, support, education, and rules that create a safe environment for maturation. The parents should not harm or use the child for their own transient power plays; they need to be present, as opposed to abandoning the child or being impaired by substances or capricious emotions.
A typical family is serious business for mature adults, and the base in which children can flourish. It has flaws and disagreements, messy rooms and human error; it is not the dressed up version seen in the media. The child, or adult that she's become, is justified in mourning these lost advantages. Any grief is real and needs to be processed appropriately, if the individual is to heal and create a thriving future. The only compensation for these losses is through acts and choices made today to learn, do the work, and surround oneself with a strong and caring alternate family and friends.

Lesson 3 - Be your own parent
What does a child need? What does anyone need? These are the clues to what a parent should do and be, and can help you construct a plan for self-parenting.
It is obvious that we all need nourishment and shelter, and a child who survives, physically, has received at least a sustenance level of these. But the child who is famished emotionally, relationally, socially, or intellectually has not received all of what a parent might give. There may have been food on the table, but there was little attention paid to the emptiness in the child's heart and mind. Worse, the child's spirit may have been bruised or the body violated.
Parenting requires several ingredients, and love is an obvious part of it. A parent must have the perspective to understand boundaries, be non-invasive with this affection, and temper it with self-control. A child needs a parent who will understand that he or she is a separate individual, who nonetheless requires consistent care and protection. At times, even the best parents will become exasperated, and it is important that anger is handled with enough maturity that violence is avoided, and that it is made clear that the behavior, not the child, is the source of frustration.
Parenting, at its best, fits the definition of unconditional love, which means, "I love you, no matter what." It sets limits for the child, disciplines in proportion to the offense, and is attentive but not smothering. The parent believes the child is wonderful, but does not place him or her on a pedestal. And the child is never abused, violated, or diminished as a valuable human being.
It takes a well-balanced adult to be a thoughtful parent. This does not mean a whitewashed caricature, but a person who is capable of feeling, empathizing, and providing the type of care that promotes emotional and physical well being, even in the most impoverished circumstances.
So, let's assume that things did not go this way in your childhood. What can you do, now, as an adult, to parent yourself? Perhaps you have fallen into the habit of noticing only your deficits. You may be convinced that you have little worth and can't have a positive effect on your world. Maybe you were told that it was self-centered to notice or enjoy your successes and abilities. Now it is up to you to discover and affirm your positive qualities, because we all need to be appreciated for who we are. You may need to become very conscious of this, so that you can give yourself some unconditional love for these traits.
This type of acceptance is crucial, because as you experiment and take risks in becoming yourself, you will flounder at times. If you are surrounded by approval from others or yourself, you will be able to retain self-esteem, even when things don't turn out as planned. Creative projects contain the intrinsic possibility of flopping, and most artists, inventors, or creators of any kind will admit that many tries have fallen short of success. You do need a firm sense of self worth to continue, and to know that it is the work, not you, that still needs polishing. It is extremely difficult to take these risks in a critical or abusive environment.
Another form of self-care is to structure your environment and the ways that you interact with others. This includes the cultivation of friendships with caring people, who acknowledge your worth, and distancing yourself from those who devalue or abuse you. Set boundaries with others, and consider your own needs: don't let people exploit or take advantage of you. It is your life. You can say no, and begin to feel liberated when you do.
While you are considering the issue of self-parenting, keep in mind that your skills and stamina as a parent to your own children may need some strengthening, too. Some parents find that it is difficult to be attentive and patient with their children, when they have not received this as a child. There may be a touch of resentment and intolerance with the incessant demands of young children. However, these feelings are frequently paired with a desire to do things right, to create a better life than theirs for their children. These parents often benefit from a combination of counseling for themselves and education about child development. Sometimes, a parenting group will provide welcome relief from the isolation of new parenthood, and is an opportunity for the exchange of ideas about the management of parenting challenges. In this way, you can begin to break the cycle and create a loving family of your own.

Next month: Lesson 4 - Who are you and who can you become? Discover your creative, intellectual, social, and spiritual self.

To order Flying Lessons for Butterflies: How to free yourself from the effects of abuse:
Contact the author at 203-910-4279 or WhitmanLPC@aol.com

OR

Get information on Domestic violence and violence against women at LadybugBooks.com
We invite any of you to contribute on this subject. We feel it is important to continue the discussion of domestic violence.
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A little bit in writing about what's happening at
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A Conversation with 10 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage



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We are looking for: readings of original creative work, comment and commentary, and ideas for regularly appearing programming that can be done within this format. We are not able, as yet, to do direct call in shows, but shows that require listener (delayed) response are OK. All of this, of course, within the same guidelines as everything we do: Of interest to women (no particular restrictions). This format might also be ideal for some of those traditional topics, such as clothing and makeup, with a fresh "twist."

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>

Commodity Futures
Modernization Act

Remember the Bear Stearns "Bail Out"

What is the CFMA?

The Commodity Futures Modernization Act was signed into law by President Bill Clinton in December 2000. It was an attempt to solve a disagreement between the Securities Exchange Commission (SEC) and the Commodities Futures Trading Commission (CFTC) that started in the early 1980s. At that time, Congress had enacted legislation to expand the definition of what was a commodity. This resulted in overlap between the regulatory control of the SEC and the CFTC.

Originally, commodities were generally agricultural products and raw materials such as pork bellies, corn, wheat, and oil are common commodities. Markets developed for these products, and standard contracts were developed, and then bought and sold.

For instance, on the Chicago Board of Trade, it is possible in May 2006 to purchase a contract for 5,000 bushels of wheat for delivery in December of 2006. There are two types of buyers in this market: the end user, such as a flour mill, and the investor. The end user is in this market, as they know that they will need 5,000 bushels of wheat in December. The investor is in this market with the expectation of making a profit. The investor hopes to purchase wheat now for a certain amount per bushel and sell it for an increased amount in December.

There are also basically two types of sellers: the farmer, or commodities producer, and the investor. The investor in the purchasing example will eventually be a seller, since they have no use for 5,000 bushels of wheat. Even if the price in December is less than what the investor paid for it upon purchase, the investor will sell the commodity in December.

Farmers are free to sell when they want. They usually sell after the harvest so they know the amount they have in hand, but they may also sell before their harvest to pay for the materials required for their crop. However, if they sell more than they grow, they will need to become buyers when the contract is due to make up for the short fall.

Investors liked this process so much that someone decided to start treating stocks as if they were commodities. For instance, someone started selling in June 2005 a contract to deliver 100 shares of General Electric (GE) stock in December 2006. This type of financial instrument is called a single stock futures contract. It is this type of contract that resulted in the Commodity Futures Modernization Act being drafted and passed.

Everything in the public markets tends quickly to become regulated by some governing body. A single stock futures contract had features of both a commodity, which is governed by the CFTC, and a stock, which is governed by the SEC. Both agencies wanted jurisdiction over transactions of this type of financial instrument. They could not come to an agreement in the 1980s, and the result was that this type of financial instrument was banned. Since there was demand for this instrument, and this sort of instrument was being sold on European markets, Congress stepped into the dispute with the Commodity Futures Modernization Act. The purpose of the Commodity Futures Modernization Act was to resolve the dispute between the two governing bodies since they could not come to an agreement on their own.

In the year 2000, Congress passed the Commodity Futures Modernization Act, and single stock futures could soon be sold again in US markets. However, many of the issues were left unresolved, and trading the product at a retail level was prohibited until August of 2003. The Commodity Futures Modernization Act did not specify which exchange would be allowed to trade this instrument, and initially, many of the exchanges were set to offer a market for this product. Today, however, single stock futures are primarily traded on the OneChicago Exchange, a joint venture between the Chicago Board of Options Exchange, the Chicago Mercantile Exchange and the Chicago Board of Trade.

Single stock futures have been popular on European markets and are now, thanks to the Commodity Futures Modernization Act, slowly catching on in the US. You can find out more about single stock futures and trade in this instrument by visiting the OneChicago Exchange.

Beware of Foreign Currency Trading Frauds

In the aftermath of the "Bailout" have you been solicited to trade foreign currency contracts (also known as "forex")? If so, you need to know how to spot foreign currency trading frauds.

The U.S. Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC), the federal agency that regulates commodity futures and options markets in the United States, is warning consumers to protect themselves from the various kinds of frauds being carried out in today's financial markets, including those involving so-called "foreign currency trading."

The federal law, the Commodity Futures Modernization Act of 2000, makes it clear that the CFTC has the jurisdiction and authority to investigate and take legal action to close down a wide assortment of unregulated firms offering or selling foreign currency futures and options contracts to the general public. In addition, the CFTC has jurisdiction to investigate and prosecute foreign currency fraud occurring in its registered firms and their affiliates.

The CFTC has discovered an increasing number and growing complexity of financial investment opportunities in recent years, including a sharp rise in foreign currency trading scams. While much foreign currency trading is legal, various forms of foreign currency trading have been touted in recent years to defraud the public.

Currency trading scams attract customers through advertisements in local newspapers, radio promotions or attractive Internet sites. These advertisements promote high-return, low-risk investment opportunities in foreign currency trading, or even highly-paid currency-trading employment opportunities. The CFTC urges skepticism when promoters of foreign currency trading claim that their services or account management will earn high profits with minimal risks, or that employment as a currency trader will make you wealthy quickly.

Understanding Legitimate Foreign Currency Operations

Foreign currency futures and options contracts may be traded legally on an exchange or board of trade that has been approved by the CFTC.

Even where currency trading does not occur on a Commission-approved exchange or board of trade, the trading can be conducted legally where, generally speaking, one or both parties to the trading is (or is a regulated affiliate of) a bank, insurance company, registered securities broker-dealer, futures commission merchant or other financial institution, or is an individual or entity with a high net worth.

Where forex firms do not fall into the categories of regulated entities outlined above and engage in foreign currency futures and options transactions with or for retail customers who do not have high net worth's, the CFTC has jurisdiction over those firms and their transactions.

Warning Signs of Fraud

If you are solicited by a company that claims to trade foreign currencies and asks you to commit funds for those purposes, you should be very careful. Watch for the warning signs listed below, and take the following precautions before placing your funds with any currency trading company.

Get-rich-quick schemes, including those involving foreign currency trading, tend to be frauds. Start researching Forex and you’re likely to see several ads proclaiming ridiculous guarantees such as “2,000 pips a Day!” or “400% Profits in 3 Days!!” Before you quit your day job and start trading Forex full time because of these outlandish claims.

Some basic rules include:

Stay Away From Opportunities That Sound Too Good to Be True

Avoid Any Company that Predicts or Guarantees Large Profits

Stay Away From Companies That Promise Little or No Financial Risk

Don’t Trade on Margin Unless You Understand What It Means

Question Firms That Claim To Trade in the “Interbank Market”

Be Wary of Sending or Transferring Cash on the Internet, By Mail or Otherwise

Currency Scams Often Target Members of Ethnic Minorities

Be Sure You Get the Company’s Performance Track Record

Don’t Deal With Anyone Who Won’t Give You Their Background

_________________

“Be brave when others are afraid, and afraid when others are brave.” - Warren Buffett

Field Trips

What are Commodity Futures

What are pork bellies

What is the Chicago Board of Trade

What Greenspan thought of the idea

Places to verify scams

Federal Reserve Board

Federal Financial Institutions Examination Council

Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation

U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission

The Office of the Comptroller of the Currency

Office of Thrift Supervision

National Credit Union Association

National Association of Securities Dealers Regulation, Inc.

All U.S. Government Web sites

Happy Trails,

B.S.

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Are you tired of being lied to? The purpose of this column is to try to sort the fact from the lies in consumerism, both on and off the Internet. If you find a product or company you would like to compliment or blast, please let us know and we will talk about them here.

Dealing with Challenging Day Care Behavior
a followup from Fiona Lohrenz

This consumer caution was sent by Fiona Lohrenz whose 10 years of experience running a day care renders her very capable of writing articles on all aspects of childcare. She also pours this knowledge into her child care website and has made a How to Start a Child Care Business DVD guide. She can be reached at her website..
A healthy, safe environment in a pre-school can facilitate childrens needs by developing necessary skills to develop their social and behavioral milestones. Taking turns, politeness, sharing and making choices are the ordinary preschool activities that offer opportunities for the development of these milestones.
Methods of developing self-discipline in children include:
Instead of praising the child, praise the behavior Encouraging and building a childs self esteem Take into account a childs age and stage of development when setting limits Using play and games with rules to help the child learn and understand boundaries Children will imitate adult behavior so lead by example Avoiding isolation and humiliation of children When you say Nomean it. Consistency is key.
Clarifying expectations and rules of behavior Always reward good behavior.

Day care workers should use these positive methods of discipline which will in turn encourage self-control, self-direction, self-esteem and cooperation.
It is not, nor never should be acceptable to use the following as a means of correction:

Hitting, shaking, biting or any other physical restraint
Mental or emotional punishment such as humiliating, isolating or threatening a child
Depriving child of meals or snacks
Have a range of strategies for dealing with behavior which falls short of expectations i.e. temper tantrums and bullying. Effective tried and tested methods include:

Distracting or removing the child from the environment
Explaining why this behavior is not acceptable
Giving the child the chance to calm down and regain control
Biting falls into the category of difficult behavior and your range of approaches for dealing with said behavior would apply to this unsavory activity also. In co-operation with both childcare worker and parents attempt to develop work plans for children who display challenging behavior. Parents should be included, informed and supported to follow work plans for children, if and when appropriate.
Where necessary additional support may be sought by referral to other professionals. The support of professional help should not be regarded negatively by the day care or parents.
The childcare worker should be supported to work on a one to one basis with a child who may be biting or displaying other challenging behavior over an agreed period of time. The childcare worker will specifically engage the child in extending their interests and helping the child to avoid the behavior. Difficult and challenging behaviors, both in adults and children, respond positively to calm, constructive, consistent actions. Be patient, be vigilant, stick to your guns and you will out!

Share your consumer experiences with us: Send us your story and we will print it here.
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Books, Cooks, Looks & Ms. Elani

Dear Friends and Readers,
Unforgetable
The Madonnas of Leningrad
by Debra Dean
ISBN 9780060825317

The long good bye, the name given to Alzheimers, is hardest on those who remember the present, the everyday events that connect people to each other. Those that live in the past, for the most part, stay there, seldom able to join in conversations in the present.
Marina, the unforgetable woman in Debra Dean's The Madonnas of Leningrad, had already begun her long goodbye when the story starts. Her grandaughter, her son's daughter, is to be married. But Marina has no recollection of meeting the groom and barely recognizes her grandaughter.
She is an elderly woman, lost in the past, when she was living in war torn Lenigrad. During the war she watched for planes from high above the city, warning others through codes. When she wasn't on duty she was working in the Hermitage Museum where she and others helped hide the masterpieces for safe keeping.
With the help of an older woman, her mentor, Marina learns the artists and every picture that covered the walls of the museum, allowing her to lead visitors through the empty cooridors and vividly bring to life the colors, scenes and people depicted in the paintings that had once covered the walls.
Within weeks after meeting her future husband, Dmitri, he is called to duty, leaving her alone and worried for her future. She has her museum work and a few friends but is forced to undergo trials that drag her down.
When she and Dmitri arrive in America they start a new life, eventually raising three children. But her life begins to unravel as her memory fades. A choice the two made years and shared with no one comes back and threatens to destroy their happiness.
The reader is teated to a remarkable journey through an old woman's mind, slipping in and out of reality. As the wedding approaches an unexpected event in Marina's life forces the entire family to look at her in a new way, one that will leave all changed.

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From the EDITOR

Institutions of Slavery

Let's start from the definition and history of slavery—
Read about slavery and you will find that the accounts focus on beating, butchery, and physical deprivations slave owners perpetrated on slaves. I am angry that such things ever happened to human beings, of course, but that is compounded by the knowledge that beatings, butchery, and physical deprivations have happened as a regular thing to hourly wage earners on farms and in factories, to share croppers, who were mostly white until after the Depression, to indentured servants, also, mostly white, to women without consideration of color or class, and to children everywhere. I am angered, too, by the stories and reports themselves, by the omission in these chronicles about slavery of what the real outrage of slavery was because that outrage, apparently, is not seen as dramatic enough to draw audience attention. What slavery was, and is, is not simple abuse no matter how extreme. Slavery is about the loss of choice, and it is from the loss of choice that we experience the absence of freedom.
Choice is guaranteed to our citizens by our political system. Choice is institutionalized by such things as the Declaration of Independence and the existence of organizations such as the ACLU and the NAACP. No one has all of the choices they would ever like.
Limits on our choices are also institutionalized, these days that usually means through law. We are not a people with unlimited choices even if we are generally free. Most of us have enough freedom of choice that we feel, most of the time anyway, free to make changes, to reach out for what we want and to hold close what we have. Most of us have incomes and educations, and support systems of friends and family who are equally well-endowed. Many of us jokingly call ourselves wage slaves, meaning that we have a need to make a living, seldom meaning that we realize how close we are to a real loss of choice and freedom.
The kind of choice that defines freedom is the kind that was described by those farsighted people who got together to talk about inalienable rights.
In times past, the right to choice was determined in many cases by physical force. If my village could overcome yours in a confrontation between our warriors, I could carry away (to be my slaves) as many of your people as I could catch or herd. This might be called classic slavery, because there was no element of race in it. It was practical to a time that did not have machine power and arbitrary, because the winner in any conflict could not be predicted with absolute accuracy. So I might end up the slave as easily as you. In most cases, slaves, like any prisoner of war, were expected to attempt escape. Some were even allowed to buy their freedom, and others were freed through the largess of their owners. The whole of the Plutonian vision of Utopia is based on the acceptance of a slave class. The ownership of others' lives is seen as a natural element of power and wealth. ...And Plato has been the basis of intellectualism up to modern times.
The racial issue entered slavery when Christian philosophers and scientists concluded, in a triumph of convoluted liturgical thinking and pseudo-science, that skin color, head shape, and other physical characteristics delineated people in the eyes of God, and that this made certain behaviors not only acceptable but incumbent upon those whose features defined them as superior. Slavery, then, was a form of education, God's hand in evolution. There is no question that this was the vilest form of slavery, but even then some slaves were allowed to buy their freedom, some were freed through the largess of their owners, and escape was an option that owners despised but expected.
In the recently ended century, the country of inalienable rights finally extended those rights by eliminating all institutional racism. Institutional racism, even after the abolition of slavery, served to tie racial identity to a lesser definition of choice—and that can only be defined as a form of slavery.
Racism by individuals, though it is offensive and unquestionably an unhealthy mindset for a society, even as it is hateful to those who are subjected or merely witness to it, is not institutional and is, ultimately, not slavery. Thus, most of us who had thought about the issue were glad to conclude that slavery in America was a thing of the past.
Unfortunately, one Reverend Jeremiah Wright has recently offered a glimpse (and a relatively complete one if you looked hard enough—not the "sound bites" argument that was used to justify the situation) into a lingering institution of racial discrimination: the African-American church in America. Here we see both the determination to hold on to an identity that is linked to that past, but the very same distortion we have come to associate with white Christian philosophers and scientists who concluded, in long outmoded and convoluted liturgical thinking and pseudo-science, that skin color, head shape, and other physical characteristics delineated people in the eyes of God.
The issue is not whether good is accomplished under the auspices of men like Rev. Wright. Such leaders preach that evil has one wellspring and good another. Most of us know that good and evil come out of the same person. Slave holders did not sprout horns or forget to care for their children or communities. What they did was fail to recognize the commonalities between all human beings, their potential for good or evil and the fact that neither characteristic respects a racial barrier. It is the ability to make a choice for good that makes one good (and a choice for evil has the opposite effect). Yet here it is on our TV sets every night now: an institution of slavery, a place where racial divides allow for a perversion of choice, right here in the America of imperfect people which we had thought was finally free, at least, of slavery.

Georgia Jones, Editor

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©May 2008 LadybugBooks.com

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