If parents are reading any of the good parenting books available today, (and there are hundreds to choose from) you might wonder as I do, why they haven't perfected the art of parenting by now? Why aren't the new theories, new insights, and new understandings producing a generation of healthy, productive, cooperative, happy children? And why are parents still asking the same questions I asked when I was a first-time mother back in 1948? Despite all the good information, it appears that something vital is being overlooked.

From my point of view, shaped by my many years of observation and experience as a parent-educator, the best technique cannot measure up in importance to who we are as people. What I mean is this: who we are has far more influence on children than the methods we use to discipline them. This is not to say that what we do is unimportant; it is to say that good techniques have the best results when they are in the setting of a healthy and loving relationship. Instead of asking whether this or that discipline method will work, parents would do better to pay attention to the person who is doing the disciplining. Too often, when I am asked my opinion about a particular technique, it is immediately clear that the parent is looking for a way to change her child. The best way to change a child's attitude or behavior, however, is to change our own attitudes and behaviors.

The magic comes when after we have changed ourselves, the children naturally respond in kind. None of us wants to be judged by our behavior alone—especially when we make errors in judgment, or act foolishly. Rather, we want to be accepted and loved regardless of what we do. So when we stop focusing on our children's behavior and focus instead on our relationship with them, all kinds of newness takes place in ourselves and in them. First, it results in a calm atmosphere that relieves the stress for everyone. Then when we believe in the goodness of children, their goodness emerges. And when we have faith in their ability to handle their problems, they measure up. When we show compassion for their struggles with learning how to be mindful human beings, they become mindful human beings.

Sure, we want our children to behave properly, achieve good grades, get along with siblings and peers, cooperate with household chores, and have respect for us. But when they don't fulfill our expectations, is punishment or humiliation the way to change them? Think how you would you want your boss to teach you to do your job better. I'd want my boss to have faith in my ability to perform better, I'd appreciate a clear instruction on how to do my job better, and certainly I would like to have my success acknowledged and rewarded with praise. So it is with children.

At the conclusion of one of my parent groups in a Baltimore City school, I asked the parents what it took for them to change. Two answers summed it up: it took courage to go to the group in the first place to learn new ways, because it means admitting that their present methods do not work; and it takes courage to give up old ways which are familiar, and go forward into the unknown of new ways to discipline their children. The parents acknowledged, however, that the new ways were not only more effective, but it made them feel good about themselves! None of us enjoys yelling or hitting our children, so it is a relief to discipline children without having to feel guilty when we use harsh methods. The new ways do as much for the children's well-being as it does for the parents'.

April marks my one year anniversary of writing the Family Matters column. I hope you have enjoyed the ideas you found there. At the end of each column the editor invites you to email me any questions you'd like answered or topics you would like me to cover. So far, I have had no takers. So let me repeat the invitation. I like nothing better than to interact with people, whether through eye-to-eye contact or email. I want very much to know what you are thinking, feeling, coping with, struggling with, excited about, angry about, who you are, what you do, what interests you, what doesn't interest you, and how you manage each day's pressures. It's clear that you know much more about me than I know about you. Finding out about you would help me write on subjects that have meaning for you. So, email me, tell me something about yourself, and give me some idea as to what you would like to see in Family Matters.

Molly Koch is a wife, mother and activist. She is the author of 27 Secrets to Raising Amazing Children. You can find out more at her two websites, mollybkoch.com and keeptheconnection.org.

Read this feature from past issues.

When the Snow Comes Down in Tennessee



I grew up in the Midwest where snow fell from Halloween to Easter. In the southern states, snow and ice can stop everything and everyone in their tracks. Fast food restaurants and malls close down and shelves empty of bread and toilet paper. Because snow doesn't fall often and melts even quicker, the region is not prepared for icy roads. We have already had three snow days since the beginning of the year. When I was growing up, we very rarely had snow days even when it was freezing cold. Here in Tennessee, they have even called off school because it was too cold or there was a simple percentage chance of snow.

I remember as a child waiting in front of the television in the semi-dark to see if our school had been called off for the day. Instead of waiting until 6:00 AM on the school day morning, the school system here now notifies us the night before. The newscasters and weather forecasters are antsy and excited about reporting cars in ditches. As parents, we scramble to find fun activities and snacks and lunches to keep cabin-crazy kids busy and happy.

In the midst of all of the salted roads and messy driving conditions, there is one thing that remains the same from my childhood to that of my kids. For kids, snow is always fun. Even when it is zero degrees outside, there is something wonderful and magical and promising about the expanse of white snow and ice. Even without the vacation from school, the lure of nature and winter activities in a state that rarely requires more than a light jacket is enough to get them up with the sun.

This storm has been heavier than others and we haven't exited the neighborhood all weekend. Usually the snow melts away by lunchtime. This snow has stayed for several days and with temperatures in the single digits, it won't be going away soon. As the occasional brave car crunches across the frozen road, we are warm and relaxed inside. The kids bundled up a little and went outside to sled down our backyard hill. They only had to wear gloves, hats, and their winter coats. No snowsuits or scarves were needed. No long underwear had to be found. After snowball fights and spontaneous ice-skating on our driveway, they were wet and cold and wanted to come inside.

It makes me laugh a little to think of the difference between the snowdrifts and frigid temperatures of my childhood compared to the relatively small snowfall and patchy ice. I know without going to the grocery store that the bread and milk shelves are wiped out. I worry when I do drive on ice and snow that I am keeping everyone in the car safe. I have to search out all the warm clothes and winter gear before we can go outside. I have had to plan meals from what we have on hand instead of just running to the grocery store or out to eat. It is a different winter as an adult.

I see the entire storm from a different perspective than I did as a child. I don't remember being cold or wet or freezing or worried. I remember hot chocolate and chicken noodle soup. I remember the crunch of the show under my boots and the feel of the snow at my back as I left angel prints.

The magic of the snow is present again. I know that Emily and Joel love the snow. They love the feel of it, the look of it, and the special feel of days away from school and work devoted to at-home fun. Emily's main plan for the day was to catch snowflakes on her tongue. They made snow angels and compared the prints. Emily's idea of sledding fast down the hill was much different than the more daring Joel but still brought her thrilled screams of delight.

I have found myself wanting that winter wonder again as an adult. Without thinking, I found myself wanting to escape the cold and wet. Instead, I helped build a miniature snowman. I took more than a few powdery snowballs to the side and the back. I did an impromptu judging of the snow angel creations. I have enjoyed the quieter time at home. While I do slip back into mommy mode and think of how much money we are saving by staying home, it has been a very relaxing and enjoyable weekend. I have rediscovered the childhood magic. I have rediscovered hot chocolate. I even caught a few snowflakes on my tongue. The weather forecast predicts snow again next week. I can hardly wait for the next snow day.





Read this feature from past issues.

Self Esteem, or Self-Importance?

Ego is an important aspect of a healthy consciousness. It helps us to know and honor our own personal truth in life. It helps us to move through life with a positive sense of ourselves and our place in the world that is grounded in the greater well-being of all.

If you have a healthy ego, you don't take it personally when things go wrong in your world. Instead, you focus on fixing what is yours to fix, asking for help when you need it and giving help wherever you can, and you trust that there is a greater plan for all of us that is beyond the limits of your own vision. You are willing to be wrong, and you give other people the same right to be wrong as you. You are willing to weigh the thoughts and words of others when you disagree, and you certainly don't need to be right all of the time in order to feel good about yourself.

Good self-esteem is probably a more positive way to express it in a world as ego-centric as ours, where the only thing that seems to matter sometimes is "what I want, regardless of the cost to others, so get out of my way." Ours has increasingly become a world of hyper-inflated egos that all too often fail to make room for anything other than the big "I." Still, good self-esteem and a healthy ego really are the same thing and they are an important part of a healthy you.

You know that your ego is not healthy when it is constantly telling you how fabulous you are in comparison to everybody else: "They've" got it all wrong. "They" don't understand you or appreciate your true genius. "They're" just too stupid.

You know that your ego is not healthy when you need others to agree with everything you say and do in order to feel good about yourself, and you especially know it is not healthy when you always need someone else to interpret your life for you, to tell you what to do and what to think and how to feel about what is going on.

You also know that your ego is not in very good shape when you've moved into self-importance, where you have an exaggerated sense of your worth to the world, an inflated feeling of superiority to everything and everyone else. You may have done something exceedingly well, you may have done a lot of things spectacularly well, but when you use your accomplishments to elevate your sense of entitlement beyond what is reasonable, you've actually moved away from a healthy ego and into a state of neediness. You need the world to acknowledge your greatness, even defer to you, or you feel angry and miserable. You are sitting on top of the world, yet you feel cheated.

What has happened is that you've moved from ego into the ego mind, and the ego mind is one of the biggest traps into which you can ever fall. It is the home of the shadow dwellers, those negative aspects of your being that feast on all of the negativity that you are willing feed them, feast on your negativity until there is nothing left of you.

There is a very fine line between ego and self-importance. The ego is a normal part of a healthy psyche that helps you to be the best person you can be in life, not the person others say you should be, especially when you know that what they are saying is not right for you. Self-importance is when you get so caught up in yourself that you begin to feel entitled to the adulation of others, entitled to win even though you might not have done your best that day and someone else really did better.

Self-importance does not come from the ego, which tells you to do the best you can in any given situation and let the rest go. Self-importance comes from the ego mind, which tells you that you are better than what you got, you are better than those around you, more entitled to succeed than others.

There is an attachment that happens when you move into self-importance, a certain kind of energy dynamic. Old sorcerers call it the 'devils.' They say that when you are wrapped up in your own self-importance, you have devils sitting right on top of your head. These devils, however, are not evil spirits from some alien source. They are of your own making. They are shadow dwellers, creations of your own negativity that will devour you and destroy your life if you feed them often enough.

I have worked for many years with a chamin curendera of the Yucatán, a sacred healer named Zoila. Her husband is also a shaman healer, and they use that kind of conversation often. When something happens that moves one of them into feelings of self-importance, the other one will say, "Ah, you've got a devil sitting on you." And they can literally see the negativity sitting on one another's heads, waiting to devour them.

It is a very short hop from self-importance to self-pity, which is also a creation of the ego mind, also a shadow dweller with a huge appetite for your negativity. In fact, one sure way to know that you are in self-importance is when you find yourself in self-pity. Of all the shadow dwellers of negativity, self-pity it is the number one energy thief of your entire existence. When you are in self-pity, you lose your power and you lose your energy. When you sit in self-pity, you lose all enjoyment of life, and if you sit in it long enough, you may well lose your life. Such is the way of negative thinking that it has the power to create exactly what it is we are thinking.

There is an antidote to self-importance and self-pity, and that antidote is to look at all of life and everything that happens to you as an opportunity to learn and grow. Every experience you have in life offers you mirrors for your own enlightenment, opportunities to grow into the best person you can possibly be. You can choose to look into those mirrors, painful though some of them may be, to find the lessons that are hidden there. If you will look for those lessons and learn from them, you will find yourself moving up the pathway towards enlightenment and away from the bottomless pit of negativity.

When you move towards enlightenment, you move towards a higher awareness of life and a greater connection with the Great Spirit. Then there is no room in your life for indulging your ego mind. You are no longer food for the shadow dwellers. Without your negativity, there is nothing for them to eat, and they will wither away.

Winning, having the acknowledgement of those around us is a wonderful thing. It can add a terrific bonus to a day that is already fabulous simply because you are alive. When things happen that don't turn out exactly as you expected or hoped or wanted them to be, that perhaps took something from you that you really thought should be yours, it means that life is holding up mirrors for you. Some of those mirrors will show you lessons you can learn that will move you forward in life. Some of them will offer to pamper you and indulge you in your hurt feelings, promise you comfort for the wrongs "they" have done to you. It is a false promise.

Into which mirrors will you choose to look? Self-importance and the ego mind, what's a person to do?

Read this feature from past issues.

Motivational Thoughts for the New Year to Stop Emotional Eating to Lose Weight

For emotional eating, it seems that every year is met with the same disappointment for the past year and then hope for the New Year. The disappointment for the past year seems to be directly proportional to the amount of uncertainties experienced in the previous year. Losing weight seems impossible.

And those uncertainties are generally proportional to the financial and personal losses suffered during the previous year.

Yet, if we can live in the moment, the financial and personal losses don't impact our attitudes about life or conquering emotional overeating.

Psychologists did a study with two ten-year old boys. One boy came from a well-to-do background and the other ten year old was from a background of poverty. The psychologist put the boy from a well-to-do background in a room full of the most advanced toys and the boy from a poverty background in a room full of broken toys. They left the boys alone for a half hour after which they found the boy from a well-to-do background sitting in a chair kind of disappointed. They asked him why he was disappointed, and he replied, "I already have all these toys, I thought you'd have something new and neat."

They found the boy from the background of poverty excitedly going through the broken toys and were surprised. They asked him why he was so excited and he replied, "With all this crap around here, there has to be something good someplace and I'm going to find it."

This is truly a model for any stress management training exercise. You add a shift in attitude to the basic stress management techniques such as deep breathing, muscle awareness, exercise, and so on.

I like to remember that story and often wish I could be more effective myself in adopting that attitude on a day-to-day basis. It truly is the challenge and if each of us could do it, we'd be much healthier and happier, lose weight and stop emotional eating. Of course you might think it's impracticable, but I suggest that that is merely your limiting beliefs forming that attitude.

We start off each New Year with hope and promise that somehow gets side tracked a few months later because we are deficient in motivational thoughts and our weight loss is stagnant.

Ultimately the answer is in creating a shift in our attitudes so that in the midst of "crap" or disappointment, we can we can be excited about finding something good.

From a stress management training basis, there are two basic things that stand in the way of our doing this:

1. Our self limiting beliefs such as not deserving or our inability to do something.
2. Lack of using affirmations or tools to develop prosperity consciousness. Being in prosperity doesn't mean that disappointments don't happen, it's that instead of being drowned by disappointment that instead we capitalize on them.

What about the stress of dealing with uncertainty? Answer: As you acknowledge it and choose to embrace it you use your affirmations to navigate through uncertainty. The end result is that instead of being glad to get rid of last year, you're pleased and happy with last year. Sure you look forward to the New Year--but it's with the same excitement that you looked forward to in each of the last 52 weeks.

To empower your motivational thoughts there are two tapes/cd's for self help programs--Affirmations and Prosperity that can make a huge difference in your life.

Of course famous resolutions for the New Year are to lose weight and stop smoking or some other hurtful habit. Instead of doing it with hope of something like medications or shakes/gum doing it for you, look to affirmations--not that you won't also use the shakes or gum.

A New Years' resolution that can't lead you astray is to use affirmations--motivational thoughts--every day--they reprogram your intelligence and vibrate with source to provide prosperity and health for getting a handle on emotional eating--the best sort of stress management training so each New Year brings you the best possible of the year.

Visit Richard Kuhns B.S.Ch.E., NGH certified, this new year. He is a prominent figure in the field of hypnosis with his best selling hypnosis and stress management cds at http://www.DStressDoc.com and http://www.PanicBusters.com. His aim is to make it possible for anyone to manage emotional binge eating. For more information please visit www.dstressdoc.com/BingeEatingEbook.htm

Read this feature from past issues.

THIS MONTH:
Poetry Corner

A poetic conversation with poets, Robin Hiersche, Darcie Ziel, David Wiley, Dennis O'Donnell.

This month's topic:
Connections

Darcie Ziel

Roots
Do Ravens have roots? Mine are here beneath these tall Spruce trees under the mountains whose bodies are invisible to any searching eye unwilling to travel up powered by her own wings Down below is sufficient faeries are dancing on the moss that's what a child's mind says through the light of a forest field of Devil's Club leaves dripping with the perpetual drizzle of life-giving rain I'm not willing to believe the picture will fall apart, so there is still fear lurking around every clear cut corner in the blood dripping off every chainsaw and the shriek of another Ancient falling Yet, the ravens are still flipping and making Water Sounds in the high wind today… It seems Roots can't be cut after all.

David Wiley

Homeric Outing
What chance is there of making dreams with the mind and hand working together? At the end of rehearsals for a larger life they are stuck sometimes with common revelries; egg/sun dropping out in the ocean leaves only the promise of another vaster day. There is our campfire returned to ashes, the air is asleep in the trees. The notes of the song have dissipated unflinchingly among the stars; the surf is now a ribbon of sound. What is left after the feast except the empty cluttered tables and one more memory? The seals and birds have gone to their rocks and we to the warmth of our selves. What need is there now to light the sky, to shout into a deep sea, to offend the slumberous deities one by one wrapping themselves in the solitude of world without myth?

Robin Hiersche

I am afraid of the dark I am afraid of the water and the boats also of cars, buses, I am terrified of trains, I have to sedate myself to fly. I am paralyzed in high places and in crowds. I am scared of men and other carnivores larger than myself. I am afraid of traffic, crossing the street and freeways. I act brave but I am scared of policemen. Fire is a torment and scares me to death. I am afraid to park a car or drive faster than 35. I am afraid of doctors, and dentists and lab technicians. I am afraid of turning left at a light. I am afraid of pain and of getting lost. I am afraid of being late and I am afraid of babies and small children and mothers and grandmothers. I am afraid of x-rays, mri s, and surgeries. I am afraid of losing consciousness, to anesthesia or sleep. I am afraid of dreams, and I am afraid of nightmares. Strong spicy foods and garlic cloves make me shiver and sweat fear. I am afraid of strong emotion and loud noises and disappointment and sorrow and loss. I am afraid of everything that is not me. In particular, I am afraid of you.

Read this feature from past issues.

Speak Up And Speak Out
February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month
from Danielle Joy Linhart

This month I would like to focus on stopping the abuse even before it starts. I also want to honor Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, because teens are facing an abusive relationship more and more. If I could just scream and the whole world would hear me, but that isn't going to happen, but through this article it's a step in the right direction.

Speak up & Speak out is something I want everyone to get in their heads because if you or you know someone who is dating someone who becomes jealous, possessive or possibly violent…. BOOM those words will be right there in the back of your head. Talking about being abused, even emotionally is vital and if there is someone you know and trust tell him/her about it. The sooner you speak up & speak out about what you are going through the less emotional and physical pain you will you will feel after the relationship is over. I am so passionate about it because I was able to speak about my abuse, but the kicker is…. I waited way too long. Now I can spread the word and say SPEAK UP & SPEAK OUT about abuse right away.

There is no excuse for abuse and talking about your experience is the best thing you can possibly do. February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month and please spread the word. If you know a teen or have a teen daughter or son speak to them about teen dating abuse. It is more common than you think… so common that 1 and 5 teens are in abusive relationships. Awareness and knowledge is one of the best ways to avoid abuse. To you beautiful women and young women always be true to yourself no matter how difficult changes in life can be. Remember to love yourself and remember that you are worth everything in the world.
Danielle Joy Linhart is the author of From Deep Within A portion of the proceeds from her book will be donated to LoveIsRespect.org. Please visit www.daniellejoylinhart.com to get help on Teen Dating Abuse, and, if you would like to send poetry or articles to Danielle.

If you know of a woman who will no longer grace our future because of domestic violence, please send us her story, or your own.

Get information on Domestic violence and violence against women at LadybugBooks.com
We invite any of you to contribute on this subject. We feel it is important to continue the discussion of domestic violence.

Read this feature from past issues.

We are looking for your stories remembering women's history. Send in your story and we will publish it.

Women Exceptional Women are Our History and Our Future:

Women

Elizabeth Blackwell
from Brittany King, a high school student in Sonora, Californai, USA

One hot summer day in 1845 Elizabeth sat by her dying friend, Mary Donaldson, to keep her company and to get away from the house work that waited for her at home. She would read to her or just simply talk. They began to talk about what Elizabeth wanted to do with the rest of her life since she was only 24 and there were so few choices because she was a woman. Mary suggested that she become a doctor. At first Elizabeth didn't really like the idea of this, but then as she began to think about it more, she realized that she has always loved to help people feel better, like when her sister's were sick. She loved to study science and the human body. She grew to love the idea of becoming a doctor, especially because no woman had become a physician, and that it would take a very determined woman to be the first.

Elizabeth was a very strong willed person. She was always told to make her own opportunities for herself if they weren't given to her. She was a very smart woman who believed that there should not be restrictions for being a woman, and was much like a man with how she thought.

Elizabeth was born on February 3, 1821, in Bristol England. She was the third of 9 children. Mr. Blackwell believed that everyone should be treated the same: man, woman, child, black and white should all have the same privileges. So because of this, Elizabeth and her sisters were given the same schooling as her brothers instead of staying at home and learning to do all the work of a woman.

Her father owned a sugar refinery in England but it burned down so the family decided to move to America when Elizabeth was about the age of 12 for a fresh start. They moved to New York. Since the sugar refinery burned, the Blackwell's lost a lot of money and when they moved to America they could no longer afford a governess to teach the children. They moved from their big comfortable house in England to a much smaller house. Her father became very interested in slave rights and refused to have slaves in their home and made many speeches about how people should all be treated equally.

Later in 1838 when Elizabeth was 17 they moved to Cincinnati, Ohio, once again looking for a new start but her father became ill and died. He left his family un-provided for so Elizabeth and her two older sisters made a living for the family for a few years by teaching girls at a small private school. Elizabeth did not find teaching exciting at all and longed for more.

Elizabeth heard of a school in need of teacher in Henderson, Kentucky so she traveled there to take the job. She stayed there for a short period of time because although it was a new setting she also found this teaching quite boring and still wanted more. So at the end of the year she moved back to Cincinnati.

While back in Cincinnati, she met with her old friend who was sickly and was in treatment for a gynecological disorder. She told Elizabeth that it would have saved her much embarrassment if the doctor was a female and urged Elizabeth to undertake the study of medicine. After much thought Elizabeth decided she would do so, and she grew quite obsessed with becoming a doctor. Many people discouraged her, and said that she could not handle becoming a doctor. But she never let any of their words go to head and continued to pursue her new dream of becoming a doctor.

When Elizabeth was 24 she moved to North Carolina to teach a school, and be privately taught medicine by John Dickson in her spare time. Her next move was to South Carolina and she continued to study medicine with the help of John's brother; Samuel. He taught her a lot and was quite impressed by her ability to quickly learn. She was a much more efficient studier than most of the men at the medical schools.

She went to many colleges to apply so she could earn her degree in medicine. But they all laughed in her face and said they would never admit a woman to their school and said that it would be a disgrace. She went first to the most respected colleges, and then to the smaller not as well known schools seeking acceptance. All together she was rejected by twenty nine schools. She began to lose her confidence. She went to many of the professors to see why they would not teach her into their classrooms to teach her. They mostly said that it was because they were not going to be the first college in the world to admit a woman and that she should become a nurse because that was a woman's job, not a doctor. One man told her quite bluntly, unlike the other professors, that she was a very smart woman and that the other men at the school would be embarrassed by her and the fact that she was much smarter than most of the men at the college. They would be very ashamed to lose patients to a female doctor. And others suggested that she travel to England dressed as a man and learn medicine that way, but time and time again refused to do so. She said, "I can't masquerade. I must be accepted as I am and for what I am. Otherwise what good will I do for the women who are to follow."

She began to write letters to all the colleges who denied her acceptance, asking once more why, and to please reconsider their first answer. She got letters back from most of them saying that they once again would have to deny her and that they were truly sorry. Until she got a letter from Geneva, New York, Medical College stating that she was accepted. She was overjoyed with this wonderful news and packed her bags immediately and left for New York. But she was later to find out that her acceptance was some sort of practical joke. But she proved them wrong quite quickly.

Many of the men that also attended the college were appalled by her acceptance but soon grew to like Elizabeth and her great personality. As was said by her teacher Samuel, she was a wonderful learner and was soon one of the best in the class. Some of the men in the class were a little bit angry about this because they didn't believe that a woman should be doing this job. She graduated in 1849. This was advertized everywhere in America that a woman had graduated from a medical school. It was also well known across the Atlantic Ocean.

After her graduation, she began to work at La Maternité Hospital to continue her studies and to work. She worked with the women and children there. After a short time she got a bad eye infection which eventually left her blind in one eye and she had to give up her dream to become a surgeon. She traveled to London after this to continue her practice as a doctor at the St. Bartholomew's Hospital in London. When she was 30 she moved back to New York where she applied at several places as a doctor. But once again her because of her gender she was refused.

She was forced to start her own "private practice" in a rented house where she lived and practiced medicine. And her older sister, who had followed in Elizabeth's footsteps and became a doctor as well, later joined her. The Blackwell sisters' medical office later became New York's Woman's Medical Infirmary and Medical College for Women, operated by women. Elizabeth continued to fight for woman's rights to be administrated at medical colleges. In 1860's she got together female field doctors during the Civil War.

In 1869, Dr. Blackwell started a practice in London, England and still continued to try to get medical colleges to accept women. She wrote many articles and an autobiography which got her even more attention and also brought more attention to women doctors and how they should be treated equally. For thirty-two years she was a professor at the London School of Medicine for Woman, teaching the study of gynecology, until 1907.

Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell returned to her home in Hastings where she spent the last few years of her life. She died on the 31st of May in 1910. She lived for 92 years and in those years she accomplished many hard things. She was the first woman doctor. She made it much easier for women to follow in her footsteps.

Read this feature from past issues.

A little bit in writing about what's happening at
LadybugLive.com, MooseMeals.com, and TeenTalkNetwork.com

Serious and Entertaining
We have it all

This Month:

Many of our audio hosts either begin with the written word or end up with it. Dene´ Ballantine, for instance, will soon have a book from the topics and information she is providing in her show, Train Your Brain, and a Ph.D. to go with it! And Don Williams of OpEd also has a column. We thought it might be interesting for you to be able to explore both mediums this month with one of Don Williams' columns and his audio version of the same column:

Mysterious friend calls Obama out
by Don Williams

My flamboyant friend came running fast round the bend in tie-dyed t-shirt, yellow shorts and red shoes. He jogged up on my front porch and started pacing as he pulled a little plastic bag from his shorts, drew out a roll-your-own and pack of paper matches, then lit up. If there was a human being more conflicted than I, here he stood.

So what do you make of it? he gasped amid clouds of smoke.

"What?"

Year One. Obama's been president a solid year and I'm wondering what you think?

"I'm of two minds."

Duh. That's why I'm here. To help you sort it out.

"You read my columns. I'm a guarded supporter. Cautiously optimistic."

Kind of like the orchestra on the Titanic? Serenading us all with that rot about how Obama's doing the best he can. Look at the hand he was dealt. We could all be standing in bread lines by now. How sending 30,000 troops into Afghanistan is his way of getting out dontcha know? How he'll shut down Guantanimo eventually and that any healthcare reform's better than no reform. Just be patient, we've a framework in place for halting global warming one of these days... Yada yada yada.

He emitted smoke rings with his words.

"Are you copping an attitude?"

My, how perceptive we are. Tell me one thing, Oh Scribe. How much longer will your sort of rot wash? We're in Year Two, and if you ask me, Obama's morphing into a Bush-Cheney third term.

"So what would you suggest he do?"

I'd urge him to fight every battle for righteousness' sake.

"Say what?"

Hey, I was raised Southern Baptist, believe it or not. I lay things out in black and white when I get excited. Obama shoulda been the righteous one and gave 'em hell.

"Specifically?"

For starters, he should've leveled with the American public and told us some cold, hard truths.

"Such as?"

Number One, that he was turning away from his predecessors in a very clear way, because they were war criminals and science deniers in the service of Big Oil, the arms merchants and the military industrial complex. He should've acknowledged that our invasion, occupation and bombing of Iraq was based on a pack of lies. He should've told the truth about Curveball, Chalabi and al-Libi, just to name three of the criminals our secret forces either bribed or tortured into telling most of the lies Dick Cheney used to make a phony case for war. You know, all that crap about how Saddam was giving nukes to terrorists and training them in anthrax and so on that made it into all those speeches in 2002 and 2003. And he shoulda told us that 9/11 was in part blowback for failed policies in Afghanistan going back a quarter century. Obama should not have swept that stuff under a rug.

"I'm listening," I said as my friend hot-boxed his smoke so that glowed fiercely. It was clear he was only warming up.

He should've apologized to the world for America's role in the deaths of maybe a million Iraqis, the displacement of 5 million others, the emotional and psychic trauma of 14 million more, and he should've appointed a special prosecutor to hold anyone accountable who knowingly propagated a phony whatsit, you know, casus belli, for starting the war or engaging in torture, and if it led to George W. Bush or Dick Cheney, so be it. He coulda started that ball rolling Week One. Don't you hear what I'm sayin'? Obama shoulda been the one who set things right.

"Get real. We would've had rioting in the streets."

Yeah? Instead we had rioting in town halls.

"OK, keep on."

He should've announced we're not bailing out any more banks or Wall Street firms and car companies, rather that he was earmarking a trillion dollars to subsidize upside-down mortgages that would keep worthy people in their homes and refinance banks honestly, from the bottom up, then build a green-friendly energy grid that would employ a million people and break our addiction to oil. He could've announced that Week Two.

"And Week Three?"

Lay out the truth about the great American healthcare rip-off. Put doctors, pharmaceutical companies and insurance firms on notice that he's appointing a panel of actual scientists and doctors to thoroughly assess the healthcare systems of the planet's 50 leading democracies and we're going to pick the three that work best to model ours on, so your Sister Rebecca and my Uncle Frank get the dignified healthcare they deserve.

"Ok, I get your drift."

No, I'm just getting started. I'd have him use his executive authority or whatever arm-twisting pertained in Congress to halt mountaintop removal, depleted uranium, outrageous usury, shut down any plans to build new nukes, and aggressively prosecute anyone in violation of the Clean Air Act.

"And if the economy tanked and Obama went down?"

At least we'd know he stood up.

LadybugLive, Audio, Webcasting, Web Casting

A Mysterious Friend Calls Obama Out

Do you know a Military Family under stress?
Dr. Eydie, host of Ask Dr. Eydie, is offering free copies of her book Relationship Magic to military families!

Know someone who might want to be a host at TeenTalkNetwork.com? We have two teens on now and both are growing up fast. The only requirement is that they want to do it enough to stick to a schedule. They all find their voice as they go along. Desiree Nelson is older of our teens—she's in her first year of college this year and she and mom, Linda Nelson, are now cross-programmed to our site at LadybugLive—got a scholarship from Discover in large part because of her program. The other, Rae Quigley is a senior this year and has done several shows on how important it is for colleges that you do something outside the usual. So there are lots of benefits for the teen who can do this, not the least of which is the experience itself. It's a great gig for any teen!

If you are a writer and would like to become a NewVoices author or artist, contact:

Georgia@ladybugbooks.com
Please use the subject title: NewVoices Information

It's Not Your Same Old Radio!

"There are people who have something to say and those who have something to sell. We are interested in the ones with something special to teach the world."

For LadybugLive, TeenTalkNetwork, and MooseMeals to continue growing, we need correspondents and readers. The process is quite simple: submissions are by email. If accepted, a reader calls, either our local or our toll free number as directed in the acceptance email, to record. What will you be recording?

We are looking for: readings of original creative work, comment and commentary, and ideas for regularly appearing programming that can be done within this format. We are not able, as yet, to do direct call in shows, but shows that require listener (delayed) response are OK. All of this, of course, within the same guidelines as everything we do: Of interest to women (no particular restrictions). This format might also be ideal for some of those traditional topics, such as clothing and makeup, with a fresh "twist."

Send ideas and proposals to Georgia@ladybugbooks.com

We strive to bring you the best in women's writing.

And...

Keep up to date on what is happening at NewVoices and LadybugFlights by signing up for our monthly announcements!

We know online radio is new to many of you but we also know how rewarding it can be. So, if you need help to get started, don't hesitate to contact Georgia for help... And, hey! Our hosts love hearing from you!

Our teen site, TeenTalkNetwork.com programming is safe — no porn or other unwanted promotions are attached to our files.

The Internet promised and we are delivering.

New programming is always available at:
TeenTalkNetwork.com
MooseMeals.com
LadybugLive

Read this feature from past issues.

The Goodness & Badness of Organizations

We all live in communities that include organizations of some of which we are members. As members we can join with others in a common effort to contribute to the community. Whether this effort creates positive or negative results depends on the goodness or badness of the organization. Democracy is messy and organization members often act in their own self interest to gain power, recognition, and money.

Over the past decade organizations and their Boards, in the form of corporations, have been given legal standing equal to people. This means that they can use economics to influence communities in a disproportionate manner compared with individual citizens. This change in legal standing and the motivations of members to act in their own interest make it imperative that effective controls and guidelines are clearly understood and enforced by organization boards.

Organizational boards are responsible for planning, providing input to long-range goals, approving goals, formulating objectives, monitoring and reporting progress. They should also interpret the organization to the community, write news stories, link to other organizations. How this is done determines the goodness or badness of the results.

The goodness of organizations

This takes us directly to the the humanity of the people in the organization because value added results come from the human beings in the organization. It is a study in ethics. Like corporations that are run using wrong management theories taught in business schools. Focusing on business ethics will not repair the damage. Most management theories taught today are bad and need to be replaced. We need to encourage the development of knowledge that combines human nature and organizational behavior in ways that bring goodness to organizational values.

What makes an organization a good place to be a member?

Start with a good motto: *** If you want understanding try giving some ***

Emphasize a "team" approach over the celebration of prima donnas.
Putting a high premium on giving the members more than just lip-service respect.
Center the focus of tasks on the ultimate goals and hopes for the future of the organization.
Involve everyone, at every level, in as much of the creative and decision making processes as possible.
Delegate real decision making authority and look for advice and opinions from members.
Make sure that everyone understands the big picture and where they fit in and give as much latitude as possible.
Encourage new ideas.
Make the organization a place that is enjoyable and fun.
Put a DA (Devil's Advocacy) on the Board.
- A DA is someone who takes an opposing view to test an idea or project the board is considering. The DA's job is to ask questions and make the best case possible against the proposal.
- Assign the DA job to each board member in turn. Wouldn't it be wonderful if boards could foresee the obstacles ahead - in time to make the right decisions?

Human capital makes all the difference between a good and a bad organization. So why aren't many organizations behaving this way?

The badness of an organization

Organizations become blind to changing community dynamics. They chase fads or become fetishistic about protecting minor habits they associate with their rise to greatness. This applies to individual members who spend their time manipulating situations and members, who are acting in good consience, to benefit themselves.

In organizations that create bad results constant learning stops being a priority, in favor of a louder, pushier approach that's all about claiming success and spinning away inconvenient facts. Members no longer feel comfortable speaking the truth. They may appear to be in step with what the Board decrees, but cynicism and self aggrandizement increases. Passion for the projects at hand dwindles. These attitudes inevitably translate into bad decisions.

Then there is the undisciplined pursuit of more, hubris born of success. Organizations stop getting the right people on the Board and in key positions. Instead of recognizing that things are going badly, organizations slide into denial of risk and eventually grasp for salvation. Finally they become fatalistic and accept capitulation to irrelevance and finally the death of the organization.

It is important to recognize the badness of the organization and act. Members and volunteers who work in direct opposition to the goals of the organization need to be counseled and/or asked to leave. The reason is obvious, the community will believe that their behavior and attitude reflect the organization. Bad members and volunteers can affect funding, the community coming for assistance, and overall morale.

Successful organizations are those that are good in keeping their members motivated and value them because they are more than the quantitative elements of facts and numbers. It is the qualitative elements of intellectual and human capital that makes all the difference between a good and a bad organization.

Organizations that combine new ideas with time-tested principles achieve goals that can transform a community.

Field Trips

Non Profit Boards

Happy Trails,

B.S.

Read this feature from past issues.

Books, Cooks, Looks & Ms. Elani

Dear Friends and Readers,

Opening the school was the easy part.

Kabul Beauty School
by Deborah Rodriquez
ISBN 9781400065592

There have been many books written about women who go to another country to help, to find their true identity, to make a difference. In Deborah Rodriquez's Kabul Beauty School she not only did all of those things but much more; she became an integral part of a community in Kabul and still lives there. This story is not only well written but the humor that Rodriquez uses makes the reader thankful that a smile and laughter can help cross languages and cultures. More than once her inability to understand a situation actually saved her and her friends.

In 2001 Rodriquez left for Afghanistan as part of a humanitarian group to offer aid. All she had to offer was the ability to do hair but soon learned that this profession was one sought out by both Westerners and Afghan women. After doing a few haircuts for free an idea was born. Afghan women have a long and proud tradition of having and running their own beauty shops but the Taliban had put a stop to new schools. She began to illicit help from corporations and friends and in 2003 opened up the Kabul Beauty School.

Opening the school was the easy part. Becoming accepted, not only as an American but as a woman, was another feat entirely. Through friends she made and the man who became her husband, she overcame the barriers that threatened to send her back to the states; having her hair covered outside the home being one of the hardest, let alone not arguing with her husband. She learned, along with her students, the role of being a woman and not losing your own identity. Students who became her friends allowed her to see the beauty and hardships of the culture. Rodriquez was accepted and asked to participate in many of the traditions that few foreigners get to observe.

Her effect on the students in the school was two fold; she not only taught them a skill that allowed them to have money of their own but also gave the women a place where they could laugh, gossip and be with other women. Rodriquez also needed the friendship of women as she fought the battles within herself that sent her to Afghanistan. A book that is an enthralling story.

Read this feature from past issues.

YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE

Sometimes we go forward; Sometimes Back

Here is a quick summary of notes and information from recent weeks:

This one is an annual, at least the anti-women supper bowl ad seems to be...

Dear Friends:

I wanted to make sure you heard that CBS is set to run an ad during the Super Bowl from the extreme anti-choice group Focus on the Family.

The Super Bowl is no place to discuss abortion. Call on CBS to stick to its original "no advocacy in advertising" policy and drop the ad. Public outcry against CBS's decision has been loud -- and it's working. CBS has started to dodge, saying that it will now accept advocacy ads during the Super Bowl, but only ones that are "responsibly produced."

This arbitrary and vague response just doesn't cut it. CBS still has time to change course.

Focus on the Family has an unmistakable anti-choice, anti-birth-control, anti-sex-education, and anti-gay agenda. If that isn't bad enough, its views on women are just plain insulting and dangerous. For example, its web site urges women facing an unintended pregnancy to seek "wise advice" because "the hormones and extreme emotions of pregnancy make reasonable decisions more difficult."

We can't just sit by while CBS lets Focus on the Family broadcast its anti-choice agenda to the millions of Americans who will be watching the Super Bowl.

Ask CBS to drop the ad and stick with its original "no advocacy in advertising" policy.

Thanks for holding CBS accountable and not letting the network make exceptions for Focus on the Family.

My best,
Nancy Keenan
President, NARAL Pro-Choice America

We all know by now that Scott Roeder, the murder of women's health physician Dr. George Tiller, was found guilty. Some people are celebrating, but there is more to the story than his guilt. He is still not repentant, nor are his fellow travelers in the education through murder movement that has characterized a small segment of the anti-abortion activists in this country. But worse is a media that has had no problem referring to Dr. Tiller as an abortion doctor or abortion provider. He was a physician and until we understand that the availability of abortion is an important part of women's health and treat this procedure as one choice a woman must make with her doctor, we will not have health insurance that treat women fairly. Roeder, btw, was regularly referred to in the media as a "pro-life advocate".

The nation's teen pregnancy rate rose 3 percent in 2006, the first such increase in more than a decade. The data reflect an increase of 4 percent in teen birth rates and a 1 percent rise in abortion rates. Seven percent of teen girls became pregnant in 2006, according to a study conducted by the Guttmacher Institute.

...Which brings us back to the beginning of our news today.

Read this feature from past issues.

From the EDITOR

New Stuff

I don't know why I am surprised that we have energy and transportation disruptions here. I live in the middle of nowhere, at the edge of the "snow line"—below the point where snow is supposed to go, but no one seems to have told the snow about that recently.

So two weeks ago we had weather, five storms in a row. Beginning with Monday and flickering electricity that meant I needed to turn off computers and stop work early; then Monday night when I found out the phones didn't work by my being stranded at the Arts Council meeting because the house phone wasn't working and my husband can snooze through his cell phone when the ringer is on vibrate. And that meant that Lane Willey, Ms. Elani, and I, because she stayed so I wouldn't be stuck if we never got through, had to run through dense hail to finally get to our cars—but that falls under the category: complaints, and I was heading toward explanations.

Tuesday, then, no phones. Wednesday power out for enough time to make progress, unless your plan was to go up a creek without a paddle, difficult. And, then for the capper: Thursday, middle of the night, to Saturday one hour earlier, no power at all. By Friday, I was the only person who had not evacuated our immediate area, food and heat becoming serious concerns in a 47 hour outage. Fortunately, we do sometimes remember there are consequences to where we live and have a generator at our house to keep the most basic services functional.

We made it through the week, and I was only a little behind...

Yep, three dots. That wasn't the end of it.

Sunday evening the email began acting up and by late Monday morning it had disappeared completely. The problem was not on my machine—I could have fixed that. It was not on my server—I have a very good relationship with the technical support for my server and I know they would move heaven and hell to keep service to me. I knew it was not just me, because other servers (not all, of course) were having the same problem. I never found out where it came from, but the source of the failure was beyond anything I could reach, even if I had had email to work with.

So, that's two weeks shot. Some of our columns did not make the resend, since the Friday I mean was only two days ago. But most everyone helped out, even if it was digging old email out of the trash so they could resend it. Still, that was not the end of it because Sunday afternoon, that would be last night as this issue was due to go online, it went out again, and I was expecting one more article—If she wrote it; I needed to include it! We are late and without Irma Hudson's column, as this goes up (I will try to add it later). In spite of it all, here we are, and we really do have new stuff to announce:

A new Facebook Page for NewVoices, where you can talk to the program hosts and find out about upcoming guests!

A NewVoices blog. I am looking forward to getting comments from all of you!

Georgia Jones, Editor

Read this feature from past issues.

At LadybugFlights we have always encouraged the participation of our readers. For that reason we have this space, a place where you can be heard. Nothing as formal as an article or a column... Just some venting, self-expression, or a chance to communicate what you are thinking on almost any topic. Send it to us and we will let you know if we can use it!

Next Time You Eat A Plant ...

Think, is this another win for a corporation?

from Lowell Jones

Plants are choosy about whom they help and they do it at some cost to themselves as individuals, since presumably, any given plant might be better off stealing its sister's water although this win-lose situation is not ideal. Scientific models have shown that if all the plants sharing the same pot could somehow agree not to compete for resources, they would end up healthier, as a group, than they would if they did compete. (A win-win situation)

It is to an individual plant's advantage not to compete as long as it can trust its neighbor plant to restrain itself as well. In most situations, this does not happen, so the plants usually move right in on their rivals' territory. However, recognition may serve as a kind of "secret handshake" that allows plants to hold back from competition without being taken advantage of. As a result, the sibling plants might all enjoy better health in the short term, and promote their genes in the long term.

Recent studies show that plants use their roots to recognize and care for their siblings (plants grown from seeds from the same mother). When siblings are grown next to each other, they grow and play together and don't send out more roots to compete with one another and share nutrients equally.. However, when a plant is placed in soil with strangers, it begins competing with them by rapidly growing more roots to take up the water and mineral nutrients in the soil.

As siblings grow next to each other, their leaves often will touch and intertwine compared to strangers that grow rigidly upright and avoid touching. Larger plants keep their leaves positioned so that maximum light reaches their siblings. Plants protect their siblings by sharing large quantities of chemicals that stop predators from eating the plants.

Plants contain cells. Plants can grow. Plants can die. Plants are alive, however, Plants do not possess a central nervous system , or muscles, which the brain is a muscle. No brain. No nervous system, no pain, but they may have emotions. In the end the purpose of all living things is to go on living. So ... sentient being, yes/no?

Clearly, it is in the best interest of plants to live and grow with their siblings. And, they can gain the help of corporations in doing this by becoming genetically engineered seeds. A WIN-WIN situation for plants and corporations.

Read this feature from past issues.

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